A home delivered meal (attn: Julian)
He had no food in his kitchen. None, not even a carrot, left over take out or ramen noodes. Because his cupboard was literally bare, Evgeni had gone downstairs to the service desk and asked for some delivery menus from some local places. He would let Julian choose from what he wanted when he arrived. The menues were laid out on an end table near the cordless phone that was shaped to look like an old rotary phone. You even had to slid the circular disk around to dial. The inner workings were different but he preferred the feel of the larger ear piece when it was cradled against his shoulder. Evgeni figured they could order something and have it delivered.
Or they could go out and get something. He could nurse a drink while Julian ate.
His friend was getting better but he probably wasn't up a night of dancing or clubbing. They could go out to dinner, head to the harbor and enjoy the beach but he was hoping for some uncomplicated alone time.
Soft music, the Nachton Orchestra, played in the background. He stopped by the table and fitted another piece of the current puzzle in progress into the slowly emerging forest scene with its complicated mix of greens in a hundred different shades.
He had cleaned up. The pillows were back in the corners of the sofa and love seat, the quilts folded and laid neatly over the backs of the furniture. The golden lighting of the lamps was low but not dim, making the open living room seem warm and more intimate than it would in harsher light. The heavy drapes on the large windows were pushed back and the windows were opened to let in the night air that stirred the gauzy inner curtains in the occasional breeze.
His violin was propped up near the stand in the corner and one of the kitchen chairs had been brought over as a seat. He had played earlier in the evening and left the instrument out in case Julian wanted to join him. His mind went back to the knowledge that Tavi also played and he wondered what it might be like to play with the two of them. Was she as talented as Julian? It seemed unlikely but he doubted that either of them would hold that against her. The two of them together could make a lesser player shine instead of feeling like the weakest link, of that he was certain.
Evgeni flitted restless around the apartment, moving things, cleaning things until he was sure that he had moved the same picture forward and backward on its little easel three times, adjusting the angle with each pass around the room. He finally tossed his dusting rag into a bin with the dirty clothes and sat back down at the puzzle, trying to achieve the inner zen and wandering focus that was necessary to find the right shapes and colours to fit into a space.
((OOC: He is wearing a double breasted vest closed with no shirt underneath and a pair of slim fitting blank pants. He is currently wandering around barefoot because he enjoys curling up on the leather couch with his feet tucked under him so he is often barefoot in his apartment.))
"The sex is fantastic," he said. "I can't believe I never tried that before. You're amazing. I'm just happy to be with you, really Zhenya. I don't feel up to a big night out or anything. Just this, it's perfect."
He smiled and gave a soft sigh when asked how he was feeling. Julian closed his green-blue eyes and murmured, "Fantastic. The best I've felt all week. Love you."
It was no lie; every day was getting better and better. He felt dizzy on and off; his head hurt quite a bit but he was having longer periods without pain, and for the most part he was happy, he thought. He still hadn't quite processed everything that had happened but he didn't want to. He felt like it might be too much. Julian just accepted where he was here and now, and he wouldn't change anything. He wanted to be right here in this moment.
He opened his eyes and looked down when Evgeni indicated the marks on his shoulders. Julian felt bad about them until his lover indicated that they were welcome. And enjoyed. He made a low little rumble in his throat. "I will bite you next time," he said huskily. The idea of it sent a little shiver through him. He wouldn't take long to be ready, not with that little image in his head.
Evgeni seemed concerned about how rough it had been and Julian shook his head. "No. It was rough but I wanted it. Wanted you too much. We can start softer next time maybe but I liked it. I want to wake up three days from now and remember this because I'm still sore from it."
He gave a little laugh, his face coloring as he said it, but happiness was bubbling up inside of him. Julian liked this. Beyond his own belief, he liked it. He never would have imagined it but now he didn't want it to change, ever. Beneath the warm weight of Evgeni's slender body he arched his back, stretching a tiny bit, careful not to dislodge his lover, and then wrapped his legs back around Evgeni's waist.
"When can we do it again?"
He dipped his head down and buried his nose in Evgeni's hair. Then he nuzzled his way to his ear lobe and bit that gently. It was too soon. He couldn't do it yet, but Julian knew if they went slow it wouldn't take that long for him to be ready again. The desire that passed between the two of them (three of them?) was strong; Julian was counting on it to help speed up a process that might have taken him a little longer otherwise. This bonding was a wonderful thing.
Meanwhile he traced his hands over Evgeni's back. His right wrist was sore from clutching his lover's shoulders but Julian welcomed it. He wanted to wake up tomorrow sore all over. He didn't know if this was some kind of latent masochistic streak or if he just needed some kind of affirmation of this, but that was what he wanted.
"I am glad you are not hurt, more than you wanted.â€ He smoothed his cheek over Julian's chest. "I am understanding the reminders of something good. I wish these would stay longer. I would like to feel your marks on me.â€ Evgeni looked down at his companion. "I cannot remember if I always liked such things but since becoming as I am it has been so. I do not injure easily even for our kind. Sometimes a little pain is reminder of life and when something is as good as this was. I am wanting reminders.â€
He bent and kissed Julian's chest softly. "You will not be needing such aches three days from now. I do not plan on going that long before seeing you again.â€ Evgeni felt a rush of possessive need but he pushed it down. It was not that he didn't want to share Julian, he enjoyed that, it was that he didn't want to be without him for days at a time. Perhaps it was new love or the bond or the worry that Julian shouldn't be alone but whatever it was he wanted to see Julian as often as his lover would allow. "I would remind you every night if you let me.â€ He murmured in a voice low and seductive. "I would make love to you until you were sated and tired so that you slept soundly with me wrapped around you.â€ It would help him too, having Julian sleeping in the bed with him but he really was thinking of Julian's sleep more than his own.
Julian stretched and got more comfortable and then asked when they could do it again. Evgeni pushed himself against his lover, still soft inside Julian's body. "Soon, I promise.â€
Holding his partner tightly, Evgeni rolled them both over. He helped Julian settle on top of him. The movement started to wake the feelings in him again. Julian's weight on him, the sight of him, naked and tousled above him fed the spark even more. "Very soon.â€
He ran his hands up Julian's thighs and further up his chest before propping himself up on his elbows. "Come kiss me, Sunshine. I am missing the taste of you.â€
The kiss to his chest and the soft words that followed sent another little shiver through him and he felt it in his stomach. His body twitched and began to feel alive again. Just a little. A tiny hint, but enough. As Evgeni continued, very descriptive, in a low, husky voice that seemed like it was made out of sex and promises, Julian let out a soft moan. He trailed his fingertips down the valley of Evgeni's spine and shifted a little against his lover. God, that voice. Apparently another turn-on he hadn't known he had. Caught between them, his cock was waking up again.
"Every night?" His heart skipped a few beats, and he felt a surge of plain 'wanting.' Yes, he wanted Evgeni asleep with him every night. And Jan, and Tavi. Nothing could be better. But the idea of being wrapped in Evgeni's arms was more than good. It was incredible. And tonight he would have it. After they made love again.
"Oh, Zhenya," he sighed at the push of Evgeni's hips against his. Not ready yet, but he promised soon. It couldn't be soon enough for Julian. He wanted to soak this in, immerse himself in it. He craved it, loved it, needed it; his lovers, his partners. They filled him up in every sense.
Evgeni rolled carefully and Julian clung, not wanting to disturb the fragile union of their bodies. They managed somehow, and Julian sat astride Evgeni, giving a little 'mmm' of pleasure as his weight came down on Evgeni. Even that felt good. He smoothed his hands up Evgeni's sides and chest, ran the pads of his thumbs over the flat nipples, enjoyed their texture. He rolled them gently, then a little more roughly since Evgeni seemed to like more sensation over less.
His nickname made him smile; Julian had never had one really. Just J or Jules or some other form of his name. He didn't know why 'Sunshine,' but it sounded right coming from Evgeni. He did as he was requested and leaned forward, steadying himself with his good hand braced on the bed beside Evgeni. The one with the cast reached around to carefully cup Evgeni's head and Julian dipped his own to meet Evgeni's mouth. He flicked his tongue against the seam of Evgeni's lips, since Evgeni wanted to taste him, and moaned at the feel of Evgeni's tongue against his. He loved it. Steady where he was, he lifted his supporting hand and brought it around behind him, cupping the warm weight of Evgeni's balls and massaging them as they kissed.
Mindful of the things Evgeni said he liked Julian sucked and nibbled at Evgeni's tongue and lips, wanting to please him, wanting to arouse him again. He let the full force of his own desire run unrestrained over him, knowing Evgeni would feel it, knowing it would build again as they fed off each other and his own arousal, halfway there, would soon come to life again.
"Every night, yes.â€ Evgeni answered Julian's earlier question. "I want you, want to be with you. I am sure we all do.â€ He wasn't sure if Tavi was to the point of wanting to move in with Julian; they might not have been that far in their dating but he had felt what Jan felt for Julian before and he knew that he wasn't alone in wanting to have Julian as a permanent resident in their daily lives.
When he leaned up for a kiss Julian came down to meet him. Evgeni opened his mouth for the taste he had requested, exploring everything that his lover chose to give him. He could only lean forward so much like this, could ask and coax more than demand.
He leaned back enough to gasp at the hand that played with his balls. Evgeni spread his legs wider and leaned back in for more of Julian's kisses. He moaned and rocked his hips, feeling himself growing larger inside his lover. It was an incredible sensation. [I am loving this, being inside you as you bring my body back to life.]
[I want you to ride me, Julian] He ran his hands up the inside of his partner's thighs. [I will be here to catch you, or hold you up if you need me to. Do not worry.] Evgeni placed his hands on Julian's hips and slower raised his lover up and inch or so off his body. He then gently eased Julian back down, groaning softly with the sensation of rubbing along the inside of his lover.
"I am ready.â€ He was hard enough now that any movement from Julian was going to complete the rejuvenation. He already ached for his partner to move above him. "You choose pace this time.â€
"Yes," he choked out around the lump in his throat. "I want that. I don't want to be alone."
It wasn't just not being alone. It was being with them. All of them. Evgeni, Jan, and Tavi. Julian was finding it harder and harder to separate himself from Jan and Evgeni, bonded as they were, and he felt such affection for Tavi, too, he knew it could easily turn into love. Maybe it already had. He was trying to restrain it until he knew if she could deal with this - with all of this, but the feelings were there anyway.
He threw himself into Evgeni's kiss, offering more, drowning in it, greedily demanding everything his lover could give him and then trying to take more. He continued to toy with his hand, slipping one finger down behind Evgeni's balls to gently caress his opening. It was hard to reach but Julian had enjoyed that sort of thing so far so maybe Evgeni would too.
He could feel his lover's arousal as it grew inside of him. Those moans, that newly-hard erection filling him, beginning to press just where he liked it, they brought him back to life as well. He gasped at Evgeni's voice in his head, loving it, the sound of it turning him on more still. He worried just a little at the request in spite of the reassurance but he wanted it just as badly and he trusted every word Evgeni sent to him.
This wasn't a comfortable position for him, with one wrist broken that he couldn't brace himself on and one leg that had both an artificial joint and a bunch of steel below his knee. Julian didn't care. He was going to make it happen, because Evgeni wanted it and because he agreed.
[I want you too. Like this.] With Evgeni's encouragement he lifted himself up; he was still slick from lube and from Evgeni's seed deep inside him. The thought of that was just as erotic to him.
He was already sweating a little from desire and anticipation. "Sit up," he suggested, waiting for Evgeni to do so. Evgeni was taller than Julian, so when he came forward again their faces were level even with Julian on Evgeni's lap, and now he could wrap his arms around Evgeni's neck. That helped a lot toward giving him the leverage he needed to lift himself away. He did it slowly, pausing a moment to enjoy the feeling of Evgeni's cock poised just at his rim. Then he lowered himself quickly, harshly, taking Evgeni's entire length in easily.
"Ah," Julian moaned. "You're so good."
He had meant to go slow this time, he really had. He'd thought, having fucked each other frantically upon his arrival, the second time would be languorous and sweet. But it turned out he wanted it harder again, forceful without being forced. "Fuck," he breathed softly. "I can't... can't go slow, Zhenya."
He lifted himself away again and began to set a fast, hard pace, driving himself down onto Evgeni's cock again and again. His arms drew tight around Evgeni's neck, digging into his hair, tugging a little, and he leaned in to bite Evgeni's lower lip before sucking the little pain away and capturing his entire mouth again in another demanding kiss.
After a minute or so of this pace he was forced to slow down, only because he didn't want to come again so soon. He didn't want it over with too quickly and the way Evgeni's cock felt, pressing even deeper into him in this position if that was possible, he was going to come way too fast. So he eased off the pace a little and lowered himself onto Evgeni's lap, rocking slowly without lifting himself up, just enjoying the feel of Evgeni buried deep inside him. He looked into Evgeni's eyes, his own face flushed and feverish, and rested his forehead against his lover's as they took a little break.
"I love you," he murmured, the little interlude and soft words completely at odds with the vigorous pace he had been setting. "I can't say it enough. You, and Jan, and Tavi too. But I'll never forget hearing your voice in the dark, or listening to you play in my dreams, or the way your hands felt setting me... setting me free."
Now, he thought, he could slow it down some. He did just that, moving his hips again but this time going slower. More lovingly. "I want you to bite me, Zhenya. I want to provide for you. It's the only way I can right now. And I like... I like knowing part of me is alive inside of you."
He slid away from Evgeni again and came back, sighing in pleasure at the friction. "Can you do it? Can you bite me, and come inside me again at the same time?"
Sitting up when Julian requested it, Evgeni wrapped his arms around his lover. "Is better?â€
There was no time to add any other smart remarks because Julian lifted himself up and then thrust himself back down onto his lap. He gasped at the shocking pleasure of it and laughed a little breathlessly at Julian's words. "I am doing nothing but sitting here taking it, Sunshine.â€ Evgeni smiled at his partner. "Is wonderful place to be. Do it again.â€
"Is okay.â€ Julian had said he couldn't go slow and he wasn't finding that he had much patience for that pace either. It could be because of Julian's emotions or their combined lust. It was most likely the later that was getting to them but he felt the need build up in him again to the point that he didn't want something patient and tender. He wanted it hard, passionate and real.
His lover's little extra attentions were perfect. Evgeni sighed softly, his eyes falling half closed when Julian tugged on his hair. "Yes, nice.â€ He encouraged more of the same and the bite along with a kiss earned Julian a needy moan against his lips.
Julian slowed to an almost stop. A part of him was anguished by the wait but he didn't protest. This was nice too and if they continued then it would be over again all too soon. He could feel that as surely as he could feel Julian in his arms. "We all love you, Julian.â€ He had a moment to wonder if Julian's attachment to him was only because of him being there when Julian was set free from the vampires holding him hostage. There was a lot of gratitude that went to the person who freed you from a tormentor. He knew that very well. He could feel so much more from Julian though. Sometimes Julian felt safe with him but there was also the way Julian enjoyed being with him and that had nothing to do with protection. He didn't sense a feeling a debt when Julian showed him affection. Through the bond, he knew the emotion was genuine, perhaps made stronger by the ordeal, but not originating with it. "I will always be there for you, in the dark or anywhere else you need me.â€ He would do his best to keep Julian safe from harm through the bond now it would be easier than it had been through the dream walking. Evgeni suspected though that it was in Julian's dreams where he would be needed for a little while. He would be there every chance he got and would happily help him do battle with his nightmares.
His lover's next words touched him and turned him on all at the same time. Evgeni hugged Julian tightly and kissed him tenderly. "You provide more than food, Julian, and with Jan, you are everything I need.â€ There rest of the world could go to hell in a hand basket. He only needed them, and maybe the occasional other person to munch on and that was all.
"I like knowing it is your blood inside me too.â€ He breathed softly, his lips against Julian's neck. "It tastes so much better...when you love the person you are biting.â€ At least that always seemed to be true for him. He would have to ask Jan what he thought later.
Julian's request made his pulse race. He nodded a yes and made a request of his own. "I can. Make me come, Julian and I will do both.â€ He reached a hand down between them and grasped Julian's erection and started stroking it gently. He would pick up speed when Julian did.
Their little interlude was met with Evgeni's reassurance, his words making Julian's heart squeeze in his chest. "I need you everywhere, Zhenya," he said with a smile.
The little break did nothing to cool their ardor, except to give Julian a little bit of self-control back as he began to move slowly over Evgeni again. The next words he heard, though, shattered the fragile restraint he'd been applying. The words of love, the breath against his neck, the request voiced in the delicious accent while Evgeni's hand wrapped itself around him - yeah, Julian was lost.
He moved his hips slowly, tipping his head back a little and moaning when Evgeni stroked him. "Oh my God. So much for slow."
He tried to hold back some, but the combined feelings of Evgeni's hand on his cock and his length buried deep inside of Julian were too much. Every motion Julian made created pleasure of some sort. Within a minute he was moving vigorously against Evgeni once more, raising and lowering his hips, adding a little extra push here and there, a little pause as he rose for effect before slamming back home again.
Evgeni liked it this way, he said, and Julian was only to happy to return them to the previous state of fast, hard, and rough. He reached behind him once more to cup Evgeni's balls and toy with them, not letting up at all. Tipping his head down, he bit Evgeni's shoulder and held on for a second, sucking hard, letting go only to give himself room to impale himself harder upon his lover's rigid cock.
"Shit, Evgeni. I'm going to come. Want you..."
Still moving fast, Julian pulled Evgeni closer. "Please," he said, his hip and leg protesting as they sent fire racing through him. That fire was drowned out by a far stronger inferno, though, as the plunge of Evgeni's shaft into him couple with that firm hand stroking pushed him closer and closer to the edge of bliss once again. This time he wasn't going to stop. This time he wanted it too badly for any sort of restraint. He growled his lust into Evgeni's neck and clung to him with both hands once more, his fingernails scratching down his lover's shoulder blades.
"Too good, Evgeni," he panted desperately. "Can't stop."
The message was clear; Julian was at the point of no return. One more stroke and he was going to fall, and he wanted Evgeni with him.
He nearly came when Julian leaned over and bite his shoulder and then sucked down hard on the wound. Evgeni moaned loudly and gripped his lover tightly tightly while the after effects of that act coursed through his body. "So good...â€ He loosened his hold and Julian did the same so that he could continue the near punishing pace that he was setting. As Julian slammed down onto him again, Evgeni spared a thought that his lover would indeed truly be sore three days from now at this rate. He felt a little guilty that Julian would suffer for their passionate sex longer, guilty and jealous. He would love to have signs of it still on his own body.
They were both to the breaking point and neither of them could last a minute longer. Julian expressed that in his breathless plea. "Don't stop.â€ He murmured softly. [You don't need to.] He would go as soon as his fangs sank into Julian's neck. His lover was already too much to resist riding him the way he was but tasting Julian as well would have taken more willpower than he possessed.
Evgeni leaned forward and that was exactly what happened. Tender skin parted and sweet blood welled up into his mouth. The taste of Julian made him moan against his lover's neck. His body clinched tight as wave after wave washed over him, battering him with two different sources of pleasure that were both intense enough to overwhelm him. He clutched Julian fiercely to his chest, as if hs lover might try to get away, He sucked down harder on the wound as the second shockingly violent orgasm of the night ripped through his body. Blood,fire, pleasure and Julian. His entire existence was burned down to just this and somewhere in the distance Jan, who was never separate from either of them any more.
Julian made a noise that was part growl, part sob as Evgeni leaned in. As those beautiful, long fangs sank into his neck Julian screamed. Not a sound born of terror or pain, but a sound of utter bliss so powerful it couldn't be contained. He pounded down onto Evgeni one last time, grabbed his hair and locked his fists in it not to pull him away but to keep him close.
And then his scream died out and he went completely, utterly still as he was overcome by an orgasm that almost shook him apart. He could feel Evgeni coming inside him in warm jets to join what was left from their first round, he felt each deep pulse from his neck straight to his cock as Evgeni drank. His body seemed to synch up, each wave of climax coinciding with the pull of Evgeni's mouth at his neck.
He could barely move but he pressed himself down harder upon Evgeni, milking his own orgasm for all it was worth. As the spasms finally slowed, so did Evgeni's mouth, until he finally stopped and rational thought sort of returned. Julian untwisted his fingers from Evgeni's hair.
"Oh god, Zhenya," he panted harshly. "Incredible."
Then he groaned softly as his body protested his harsh treatment of it. "I'm gonna feel that for a while," he said. But he couldn't hide the pleasure in his tone. He was marked thoroughly. He loved it.
He gave one last residual shudder and collapsed against his lover. "I'm not sure I can move," he said regretfully. The aftermath of their lovemaking was going to be pretty painful but Julian didn't care. He was, indeed, going to feel Evgeni inside him for days. Nothing could be more right.
"So long as you are happy about feeling it tomorrow.â€ Evgeni reached over and got more wipes to clean up the mess between them. Then he slid to the edge of the bed with Julian still in his lap. Supporting his lover's hips, he stood up and then turned and settled Julian back on the bed, pulling slowly away from him.
He reached out and brushed a curl across Julian's forehead. "I am thinking a bath and then you must eat.â€ Evgeni did his best to give Julian a stern and uncompromising look. "Perhaps we can even manage to behave for a few minutes.â€
"I will go run us some water. Eat some now if you like.â€ Evgeni leaned down and gave Julian a tender kiss. He placed his hands on his partner's hips and gently rubbed up and down the sides of them in long soothing strokes. "You will be ok,yes?â€ He felt the pain from Julian but the pleasure had been more overwhelming, now that they had stopped he hoped the pain wasn't too much. "The bath will help. If you want it later. Is heating pad here in closet. I use for foot of bed in winter.â€ He shrugged and looked unrepentant; he liked his luxuries. He had a difficult enough time sleeping without adding cold feet as a reason for insomnia. "We can lay here and talk, and probably behave.â€ Evgeni brushed his fingers down Julian's chest. "Maybe.â€
Giving Julian one more kiss, he hurried down the stairs and into the bathroom. He didn't want to take long because they had both been sweaty by the end of it and that would dry and leave Julian naked and cold.
Evgeni started the water running, added some bath salts that had an herbal mixture that was supposed to be a soothing scent. At some point he had given it a try for his insomnia. A hot bath helped his body relax but his mind almost never followed. The much more successful approach was to wear himself out to the point of physical and mental exhaustion. Or to walk in someone's dreams.
He grabbed a couple of towels and set them on the closed seat of the toilet then began lighting the candles that he had around the bathroom. Evgeni moved the ones from the step and put them in a cluster on the sink. Far safer that way, he had gotten used to them being on the deep bench but he had not shared the bath with anyone while they were lit. It would be a terrible end to the night if one of them set themselves on fire. [When we get larger place, some day, we need bigger tub. Is a must. Very big selling point for potential house.]
On his side on the bed Julian nodded his agreement. Washing and eating sounded like good ideas; he wasn't capable of much more right now. "We don't have to behave," he said with a little smile. "It's date night. Although... I think the rear entry might be off-limits for the next day or two." After their second time, he was pretty fucking sore. Literally. Julian didn't think he could do that again tonight no matter how badly he wanted it.
As Evgeni headed downstairs Julian closed his eyes and bit his lip. A surprising wave of - something - washed over him and he shuddered, pressing his face against the cool pillow. He felt raw. Like he was just a mess of exposed nerves. Was it Evgeni's lovemaking that did that to him? It was just... now that the other man had left, the room felt so empty.
Evgeni wanted to be with him every night. Had he meant it? The moer time Julian spent with his partners, the harder it got to go home. He hadn't had to be alone yet, between Jan, Evgeni, and Tavi, but he was becoming very afraid of that eventuality. Panic swept him and his muscles locked. The familiar tang of fear was an unpleasant taste.
Twice now he'd been assaulted in Nachton. The second time, kidnapped. And nearly killed. He remembered the crazy man's rage. Heard him roar with fury and relived the crack of his bones as his wrist was slammed into the arm of a chair. He drew in a shuddering breath, realizing his tears were tracking their way sideways across his face. He cradled his injured wrist close to his chest.
The last week had been a roller coaster. As if abduction, rescue, and injury weren't enough, now he was apparently bisexual and none of his three lovers were human. Those last parts, he actually found good. But he was so overloaded with emotions, good and bad, he just didn't want any of them right now. And what was worse, he couldn't drink himself into numbness. He was definitely trying to fuck himself into it, but really that just left him feeling slightly euphoric and far from numb.
Julian closed his eyes and bit his lips, knowing Evgeni could feel what he felt. Even if he was trying to be very quiet and very subtle about it there would be no concealing his state of mind from his partner. He just didn't want Evgeni to take it the wrong way, and that worry also pervaded his thoughts. Evgeni, Jan, and Tavi made him very happy. But all the fear and the stress and the helplessness of the past week had to come out at some point, and apparently it was going to do so now after their intense lovemaking had left him feeling exposed and open.
Evgeni's voice in his head made him smile through the quiet tears. [We? Do you really want me here? Because I really... want...]
He couldn't even finish the thought; even that was too much. [Zhenya. Help me.]
Julian twisted his good hand into the sheets on the bed, next to his face, and gritted his teeth while he tried not to sob out loud. Evgeni would rush back to him. He knew it. He would. Just a few more seconds alone, he could stand that. He needed to pull himself together and stop being a baby.
A flash of something came to him. Hands dangled in front of him in a car, blood and shattered glass were everywhere, branches, debris and snow. The worst thing was that directly below him in the vision was a woman who felt familiar even though he had never personally seen her before. She was dead, broken, bruised and staring blankly up at him. Evgeni staggered against the wall and willed the vision to fade. He needed to get to Julian.
Julian called to him for help and Evgeni sent back to him. [I am coming, Sunshine. You are not alone. Is going to be okay.] He hurried up the stairs, taking them two at a time, difficult to do on a tight spiral but somehow he managed.
When he got into the bedroom, Evgeni scooped Julian up in his arms. "It is alright. I am here, is okay." He murmured softly, stroking one hand up and down Julian's back; the other holding his companion tightly to his chest.
"I really want you here, always, Julian. Tonight, tomorrow, twenty years from now." He kissed Julian's temple and rocked back and forth, comforting them both, as he answered his lover's earlier question. "I do not like living alone. I am hard to live with perhaps. I sometimes like space but I like knowing someone is there. Finding people I want to live with is difficult but you and Jan are wonderful. You are understanding me, I think." Evgeni wasn't sure Julian was really listening to him but he kept talking anyway and hoped that it helped. "I do not want to sleep in big bed alone. I do not like waking up alone." He had his solitary moments; he liked time to play his music or listen to it uninterrupted or work on a model for hours but Jan had his moments as well and he knew that Julian would respect their occasional moodiness.
"Do you want to stay? We can pick up some things tomorrow if you like." Evgeni squeezed Julian tight. "Now is better? You have a right to be afraid and upset. I know this. I will hold you as long as you want, promise."
"Oh god." He bent in on himself, shuddering, gasping for air.
He heart his heart thundering and belatedly, with Evgeni's words, realized it was actually the sound of feet hitting the stairs. And then Evgeni was there, warm and wonderful, gathering Julian up like the child he most certainly was not but he didn't even think of resisting. He needed help.
There had been a point during his recovery when he'd been very depressed, before he'd really gotten the benefit of therapy, and he had felt so guilty about Andrea's death he'd wanted to take his own life. He was past that, had thought to never feel it again. But the force of his own fear brought everything crashing back and for a few seconds he experienced that same soul-wrenching terror and loss.
Evgeni's hand was brushing his back though, and Julian just gave in and sobbed. His body trembled, his whole frame wracked with each gasp that tore from his chest. His tears weren't pretty. They came from so deep down each one was pulled painfully from him, and all he could do was try to ride them out while he clung to Evgeni.
Burying his face in Evgeni's neck Julian tried to swallow back his cries but that only made it more painful. He cried until he thought he might be sick. He was pretty good at handling weird shit but a week of surprise after surprise on top of multiple injuries had definitely run him ragged. Sometimes, mental fortitude only got you so far before the stress backlog caught up with you.
Practically choking in his effort to stop crying Julian finally heard the words Evgeni was saying. The clouds began to clear and the starlight shone through as he really, actually heard. Something inside Julian broke and he felt hot tears course down his cheeks again. He wanted to stay. He thought he needed to stay. He didn't think living alone was good for him right now. Even if it was only a temporary thing, even if Evgeni decided he was in the way, Julian really thought he shouldn't be by himself right now. And, he thought sadly, he should probably find a therapist to talk to here in Nachton. Obviously he wasn't quite a hundred percent.
With that clarity of thought came some sort of calm; he had no strength left to cry. He just nodded against Evgeni's shoulder.
"Can we," he begged softly, thinking about going and getting his things. "I want to stay here. I can't go home alone."
He shivered hard. Emotion left him drained and exhausted. He had food up here but he didn't want it. He didn't think he could keep anything down at the moment. He just wanted Evgeni.
"God," he croaked, voice hoarse. "I'm sorry, Zhenya. That was... hideous. And now I feel like shit and you're all worried and Jan can't be thrilled and I ruined our night..."
He dropped his head back onto Evgeni's shoulder and shivered again. "Sorry. That was... unexpected."
He hadn't realized loving Evgeni would bring him to the brink of his own sanity. Talk about the fuck of a lifetime. It had literally rocked his world, that's what had happened. Julian had never loved before. Never been loved with such ferocity. It had been intense, but he better get used to it because he had not one but three lovers who, he already knew, were equally intense.
Julian took a few deep breaths and raised his head, pressing his cheek to Evgeni's. "Better now. Just... yes. Stay with me please. This helps. It helps so much."
Evgeni's arms were safe, protective, and secure. Julian could rest in them for a bit. "The bath?" he said, remembering then. "Is it big enough?"
They could still go down there, soak together like this, recharge. Julian desperately needed a recharge.
"Yes, you can stay." Evgeni smiled softly and kissed a tear stained cheek. "We can go after dark tomorrow to get things you want."
Squeezing Julian tight, he disagreed with his partner. "Is not hideous or unexpected. You have not ruined anyone's night." He smiled and patted Julian's leg. "Jan is probably unaware for most part. He is out with Tavi. We were very amorous earlier..." Just in case Julian forgot. "Jan is blocking us out right now so we don't embarrass him with his date. I am guessing." He wasn't entirely sure when he stopped feeling emotions from Jan but when he came back to himself a little bit after the first time Jan felt distant, almost not there.
"I knew it was going to happen soon. Maybe Jan knew too. I am glad I was here." He would have happy that at least someone had been there when Julian finally broke down but he would have preferred it to be himself present.
Julian asked about the bath. "Damn, the bath!" Evgeni stood up collecting Julian more fully in his arms and hurried them both down the stairs, also not easy to do in a tight spiral staircase but again he managed.
"Is big enough for both of us, yes." That had been his thought when he had lit the candles. Of course now he might need to let out some water. He just hoped they would get there before the tub overflowed. "Will be tight squeeze but we are not very big." When he had gotten the place he had been happy that the bath was long enough for him to stretch out his legs. It wasn't a garden tub or a spa but it was at least wide enough for him to place his legs on the outside of Julian's and for both of them to soak in the tub.
When they got to the bathroom they quickly shut off the water. It hadn't overflowed and it looked like only a little water needed to be drained so that they would both fit without spilling it all over his floor. "You first." He eased his hold on Julian so that his partner could lower himself into the water. Evgeni flipped the lever on the drain and water started flowing down it. Soon it was low enough that he could step in and lower himself behind Julian.
"This is good. Yes?" Evgeni closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his lover. The warm water felt wonderful and Julian leaned against him made it even more amazing.
He nodded his understanding of his lover's words though, glad Jan wasn't being affected, feeling a little ashamed that this had apparently been expected of him at some point. If he were stronger he could have simply dealt with... everything. And let it all go. Instead he'd just staved it off before succumbing to it.
He gasped and clutched at Evgeni's neck when Evgeni remembered the bath and took off for it, carrying him along. Normally it might have made Julian laugh, but now he just felt sort of sick and dizzy. He closed his eyes, absurdly grateful, nonetheless, that it was Evgeni who was carrying him. He might feel like a wreck but that was his own damn fault. Evgeni was being careful, as gentle as possible.
He couldn't let go of Evgeni while he drained some of the water out of the tub. He briefly thought about it, but when he did his body seized up and he felt the tight band of anxiety clamp down over his chest again. The fuck was wrong with him? He took a few deep breaths, impatient with himself.
Soon he was in the water, immersed up to his neck. Evgeni sat behind him, leaning against the back of the tub, and Julian simply turned on his side and rested against Evgeni's chest, as close as he could get. His breath came in soft hitches as his chest spasmed from the hard workout of sobbing his eyeballs out, and warm tears still trickled down his cheeks but there was no effort to them. They just came.
He closed his eyes. Nodded his head when Evgeni asked him if it was good. It was. Letting his eyes slit open just a bit he watched the flicker of the candles. They were beautiful, and relaxing. He let himself go, muscle by muscle, tension soaked out of him. It took a while. How long, he wasn't sure. Half an hour, an hour. The water was still warm when at last he gave a little shudder and a soft moan as his body finally lost all its remaining tension.
Tilting his head up Julian pressed his lips to Evgeni's neck. The arm with the cast on it was behind Evgeni's head to keep it out of the water but the other one, beneath it, wrapped as far around Evgeni's waist as it could.
"Sorry Zhenya," he said, his voice echoing in the bathroom even though it was soft. "Better now. It was just panic. That's all. It hasn't happened in a while. I'm sorry I upset you."
The raw truth was, it might happen again. And again. And Julian hated that. He'd worked hard to get these attacks under control after the car wreck. He didn't want to fall back into them now.
"We are very far from perfect, Jan and I, but you care about us. We feel the same when you are not so perfect." He bent down and gave Julian's a gentle little kiss on his head. "It just happens less often.
"Come lean against me. We are both going to want to get clean before the water gets cold." Evgeni smiled. "I love you but I will love you more in the warm bed." He was mildly teasing; he would love Julian even if they sat here until the water got cold. What kind of Russian would he be if he could stand a little room temperature water in Nachton anyway?
He reached for the soap and scrubby and washed Julian's back and then his own chest so that they could then work on other parts of Julian and himself. "Here, You get my back?" Evgeni asked and then handed the green scrubby to Julian. He hoped that giving Julian something real but simple to focus on would help bring him back to the present. He resolved not to leave Julian at all for the rest of the night. Good thing he didn't eat; it meant he didn't need to leave to use the restroom either. Julian might but they would see whether or not it would be necessary for him to join Julian for those short excursions later. If so then he would join him.
Right now he hoped that they could enjoy the bath a little bit and then head upstairs. Julian should eat eventually. They had taken a lot out of each other and he had drank from him as well.
"Did you bring your violin, by chance?"
"I do care about you," he said. "I love you both. You feel like a part of me. Will it be all right if... I mean, when Jan and I are together, like this, can he bite me too? It won't... do anything to me?"
He felt a little surge of desire at the thought of his other vampiric lover biting him, just an unexpected, surprising little frisson of lust that kindled and died, unable to sustain itself in the aftermath of his fear. There was a tiny flash of... not guilt, exactly, but maybe sheepishness that he could be sitting here with Evgeni and even consider being turned on by Jan, who was miles away. That too died quickly, because it was only natural to feel that desire. It would have happened the same if it were Jan he were with now, thinking of Evgeni.
They had warned him that they couldn't keep biting him nightly. Aside from the obvious blood loss, Evgeni had told him that successive bites could alter him. Make him a familiar. But surely, those had to be from the same vampire. If Jan were to drink from him, say, tomorrow night, wouldn't Julian still be safe?
He waited for Evgeni's answer while his lover's hands gently cleaned him. He took his turn when Evgeni asked, using his good hand to apply soap and giving a shaky little laugh at the idea the here he was, in a bathtub, washing a vampire's back. Of all the absurd... well... he loved it, anyway.
When he finished, and Evgeni asked about his violin, Julian leaned against Evgeni, gave a soft, deep sigh, and then turned his head up to kiss him gently. It wasn't a rough kiss; not horribly heated. But it lasted long. Julian took his time, giving a moan of pleasure and simply taking forever to enjoy the heat of Evgeni's mouth as if they had centuries to sit here in the warm water and kiss. He wanted to memorize every brush of his tongue, every nibble on that artfully curved lower lip, every graze of a delicate white fang.
When Julian finally pulled away he answered Evgeni's last question. "As it happens, I did. I was supposed to wait before trying to play but I don't want to. I have to play."
He'd spent a long time in the hospital after his car wreck wondering if he'd ever play again after surgery to fix the tears in his left hand. He couldn't live without it. Now, physically able to play, he found he couldn't leave his violin in its case. He'd brought it tonight with his overnight bag, discarded just inside the doorway of Evgeni's home in the wake of their passionate greeting. Julian shouldn't have brought it, he supposed, but he was afraid to leave it at his studio. The place had been violated before, and of all his possessions, his instruments were the most sacred to him.
He shrugged a little. He was still feeling off-kilter. Was it just earlier he'd been thinking about how good it felt to be supported, to not have to seek therapy to help him deal with what had happened? And then he turned around and freaked out. Failure, on an epic level. But he was pulling out of it faster than he had before, that was sure. He felt a little hope, even though he still felt off inside... it was fading. Not quickly, but not as slowly as he was used to and he didn't feel like he was going to panic again.
When Evgeni finally stood, Julian knelt up, wrapped his arms around Evgeni's waist, and did his best to stall him.
"I do not mind at all, if that is concern. You and Jan together is good thing.â€ He hugged Julian and continued. "So long as he does not get carried away then you should be fine. I did not take so much as all that. Just in case we wanted to do more after a rest.â€ He could not bite Julian so that Jan could do so later. "Our bites do not have a combined affect on you in any other way than to make you anemic.â€
They both managed to get clean with little distraction; though there were some parts of Julian that Evgeni let Julian clean otherwise he would find himself focused on things other than getting done so they could get out of the bath.
Julian said that he had brought his violin. Now that it was confirmed, he thought he remembered the case in Julian's hands when he had let him in earlier but his attention had soon been drawn to more pleasurable pursuits. "We can try then, if you want so long as you do not get too frustrated with the first results, yes?â€ It would take time to get back the strength and agility that Julian normally played with. And Julian's wrist would likely tire quickly. But if it made Julian happy to try and reassured him that his wrist would heal then that was a good thing.
He rose to get out of the bath and Julian hugged him around the waist. Evgeni looked down at his boyfriend and raised his eyebrows. "Is there something that you are wanting before I get a towel?â€ He reached down and combed his fingers through his lover's tousled curls. "I promise I am not going anywhere without you, Sunshine.â€
He let the feelings behind those words sink in. It wasn't that he felt obligated. Not even remotely. It was something he could do for his lovers, something they all enjoyed, and Julian felt a myriad of emotions knowing his blood could help sustain them both. Pride, satisfaction, pleasure, desire, and other various feelings flitted through his head and his heart when he thought about being a provider as often as he could. He'd take supplements. And eat a lot of rare steak with Tavi.
Evgeni was all for playing, and his light warning rolled off Julian's back. He loved Evgeni even more for his concern. "I won't get frustrated. I need to do it. I remember how it goes, recovering from an injury."
He gave a sort of wry smile and held his left hand up to Evgeni, displaying the scars from his first round of 'I might never play again.' He would play again this time. Broken bones healed better than torn ligaments and tendons did. "I can wow your neighbors with my amazing version of 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.'"
Better to play for a short time than to not play at all, doctor's orders or not. It was stressing him out more leaving his violin in its case, worrying that the poor thing would wail in sorrow like in his dream. He had to play, it was too much a part of him not to.
When he captured Evgeni's waist and looked up at him, Julian was suddenly very aware once more of his own heart beat. It thumped heavily in his chest, faster. He felt a spike of worry; was he getting anxious again? No... no, he just... wanted. He wanted to feel Evgeni again. They'd been in the bath for some time; a long enough rest even for poor mortal Julian to be aroused again. And he had asked Evgeni how many times they could love each other. Or, to put a fine point on it, how many times Evgeni could come inside of him that night.
Well, it was still night, and his mouth counted. Julian's eyes darkened when Evgeni asked if there was something he wanted. "Yes."
He had been uncommonly aggressive tonight; jumping into Evgeni's arms, slicking himself up on the bed when Evgeni was out of the room, demanding to be fucked hard. Evgeni seemed to appreciate it and Julian was having fun as long as his efforts were enjoyed. Now he slid his hands over his boyfriend's narrow hips and pressed his cheek against Evgeni's thigh. "I want you."
He glanced up at Evgeni through sandy-blond lashes, a question in his blue-green eyes, but he lowered them quickly. His mouth followed, and he pressed his warm lips to the hollow of Evgeni's hip. Sucking softly, Julian made his intent very clear. He wanted it now. Right here.
Rubbing his cheek against Evgeni's thigh Julian murmured, "Do you want me to? Can I?"
The water hadn't grown cold; it was lukewarm and Julian was plenty comfortable where he was. Oh, his knee was going to ache like crazy soon but he didn't intend to take long. And judging by Evgeni's physical reaction to his attentions, his lover could go again. Julian squeezed Evgeni's hips gently and ran his lips lightly over him, followed by several long, generous sweeps with the tip of his warm tongue.
This was a far, far better thing to focus on than his failure to keep his anxiety in check. If anything, it helped calm him even more. He could let his fears go and just attend to this. Sounded like a damn good idea to him. Now, if Evgeni would just agree.
They were going to serenade his neighbors later with lovely children's songs played on the violin. It should be an interesting change from the classical and folk music that they had been getting from his place. No one would ever believe that Nachton's premiere violinist was over at his place playing beginner pieces. It made him smile just to think about it. "Even if you can play something much better, and I would imagine that you could, we are going to have to play at least one round of twinkle twinkle so that I can add that to my journal. Played nursery song with the great Julian Stephenson.â€
Before he could get out Julian stopped him and when he asked if there was something that Julian wanted his answer was simple. That one word sent a shiver down his back. He stood still and waited for his lover to elaborate though he could already guess what Julian had in mind.
"You have me, Beloved.â€ He murmured softly, his hands lighting gently on Julian's shoulders. "And you can have me. However you want.â€ That was not something he promised just anyone but Julian was far from just anyone. He trusted Julian enough to say that and mean it.
Evgeni sighed softly as Julian's mouth sucked gently on his skin. He laughed and looked down at his partner when Julian asked if he wanted him to do what he was silently asking. "Yes and yes.â€
He could feel Julian grow calmer and more focused and that beyond his own desires had caused him to say yes. Did he want to feel Julian wrapped around his erection. Of course he did, he wasn't completely dead yet. But his boyfriend's state of mind was more important than his own lust. However, Julian wanted to do this and it seemed like a good idea on several levels.
The first teasing strokes against him caused him to rise fully to the occasion once more. He sighed softly and ran fingers through Julian's hair again. "Yes.â€ He whispered again.