Rowan had known the answer already but he still felt his heart thump little quicker and his breath hitch in his throat when Henri's voice said it, clearly and precisely, into his ear. He took a deep breath. God, why was he afraid?
"Okay," he said, knowing he sounded shaky. "Okay."
On the other end of the line Henri took a turn sighing. "Ruan, why do you want to know? I thought you never wanted to know. You have said, time and again..."
"I know what I said," Rowan said, gently interrupting. "It's just..."
He paused and Henri prompted him this time around. "Go on."
"I want the name on my marriage license to be the one I came into this world with," Rowan said. "It won't change anything. I mean, knowing it won't change me, and it won't change Cris. It won't change our feelings. But I want him to know it. It's important to me that Cris know it."
"I understand," Henri said softly. Then, after a moment, he added, "But, Ruan, knowing it... it would change things. A little."
Rowan felt a chill. "What do you mean?"
Henri sighed again.
"Was I famous or something? Henri?"
"No," Henri said shortly. "No, nothing like that but... knowing it would bring up further questions."
"Really? How?"
Henri's voice was strained. "Ruan, seriously. Do you want to know everything?"
Rowan stopped him there. "No! No, I believe you. And I don't want to know everything. I don't want to know anything, really, but this."
"I have an idea. Must it be your whole name?"
Rowan paused in his thinking to consider this new question. "No. No, I suppose not."
"Would you, perhaps, be satisfied with the knowledge of your given name?"
That was a pleasant prospect. If Henri said Rowan's full name would raise questions he didn't want to delve into then Rowan believed him. He truly didn't want to know about his past. Particularly not when it would mean nothing to him, nothing at all. Rowan was not going to remember anything. And anyone who had been anything to him would now be nothing... less than nothing.
He didn't want Henri to tell him about his mother and father, and feel nothing but a void in his heart where there should be love. But a name. His first name. That, perhaps, he could get attached to. That he could share with Cris and maybe they would both be pleased to know it. He would like it if Cris called him by the name he'd originally been given.
"Yes," he said slowly. "I do think that would be a good compromise."
Henri sounded relieved. Rowan shoved the curiosity back down. "Good," Henri said. "You're sure about this?"
"Yeah," Rowan said. "I am. It's a gift. For me, and for Cris."
"All right, then," Henri said. "Your birth name was Emory."
Rowan waited for it... a feeling. A memory. Something, anything. Emory. So that was his name. He felt a sense of wonder, of curiosity renewed. But nothing else. No voice came to mind, no great apocalypse occurred. He had dreaded this and anticipated this for centuries. If he heard something from his past, would his life come tumbling back to haunt him?
Apparently not. It was just a name, after all. But it was his name. Emory.
"Thank you, Henri."
"You're welcome. Ruan."
Rowan smiled into the phone. It was right that Henri continue to call him Ruan. That was the name he'd given him, after all, the affectionate name given to the redhead with no memory.
There was little to say after that. Rowan could hear the smile in Henri's voice when he told Rowan to have a good day. Rowan smiled back and they said their good-byes. Rowan leaned back against the arm of the couch and ingested this new information.
Emory. It sounded like a decent name.
What's In A Name? (Private)
Rowan looked down at his cell phone, his thumb hovering over Henri's number. He was frowning to himself, in thought, considering whether or not he really wanted to open this can of worms. The answer was - sort of.
He had been recalling his conversation with Becky, in which she'd pointed out that it was a shame he didn't know his real name since he was marrying Cris. he had insisted at the time that Rowan Murphy was who he was and that was good enough. The thing was, though, that now he thought maybe it wasn't.
Did Rowan think his actual name would matter to Cris? No. He didn't. Knowledge of Rowan's name would change nothing, wouldn't serve to make Rowan or Cris any different. On the other hand, Rowan did hope it would matter to Cris in the sense that he had gone to the trouble of discovering it because he wanted Cris to know it.
Rowan wanted nothing to do with his human past. He knew it wasn't pleasant. That much was clear from the brand on his shoulder, the tattoo of a convicted man. The few fears and shadows that clung to him, too, made him wonder. His fear of fire, his fear of chains, these things had remained with him through death. They meant something. He didn't want to know what.
But he did want to know who he was. It was important to him that if anyone knew his name, anyone on this entire planet, it should be Cris. And he suspected Henri knew everything. Why? How? Rowan didn't know. But he and Henri had spent several years of Rowan's youth fruitlessly pursuing his past. Henri was a master at gathering information... Rowan was certain that he had somehow managed to figure it out. But Rowan had long since told Henri he did not want to know it. Surely, just this one thing wouldn't change anything.
Rowan nodded shortly to himself and hit the button. Henri screened his calls; he was quick to answer when he saw it was Rowan. He always was, and Rowan was quietly pleased about that.
"Ruan," Henri said pleasantly. "How are you? How are the wedding plans?"
Rowan smiled and addressed his Creator in French; they always spoke in French. "Going along," he said. "I don't know what all the fuss is about. I'm having fun planning with Cris."
Truth be told, planning was practically Cris's middle name. Rowan was pretty sure the lettering on his office door really said Christian "Planning" Bern. He'd have to double check. But anything with Cris was pleasant and planning their wedding was exciting and fun.
"If you turn into some kind of Groomzilla I'm going to laugh my ass off," Henri said. Rowan could hear the laughter in his voice.
Rowan allowed himself a giggle. "That's Eiryk's job, whenever he gets hitched," Rowan said. "I'm just happy to have Cris."
"I knew this was going to happen to you," Henri said. "You finally set your heart on someone and you get all disgusting and mushy and content."
"You love it," Rowan said.
"Damn straight I do," Henri retorted. "It's downright adorable. This is going in my Ruan album. 'Baby Ruan finally grows up, develops mature perspective, and finds The Right One.' In fact it might just be its own album."
"You're sick," Rowan said with a laugh.
They chatted pleasantly for a few minutes more before Rowan finally had an opportunity to ask Henri his question. "There's a actually a reason for my call," Rowan said.
"Oh? What is that?"
Rowan was silent for a few moments, trying to work out how to ask Henri. Finally he settled on blunt and to the point. With his creator, that was often best. Henri had a tendency to see right through him anyway, so subtlety was wasted on him.
"I need to know something... just yes or no. I don't want more than that," Rowan said.
Henri's voice was cautious. "All right, what is it?"
Rowan hated discussing his past. he had to work to keep the reluctance from his voice. "I need to know if... you know. About me. Who I was... what... what my name was."
There was a long pause on the other end of the line. So long that Rowan prompted his Creator. "Henri?"
Henri sighed. And then, with Rowan wincing because he didn't really need to know or want to know, but this piece of information was really, kind of, sort of, okay, critically, important to him...
"Yes. I know what it was."
Rowan Murphy
11 years ago
Rowan Murphy
11 years ago
It took a full night and day to digest everything. And get used to it. Rowan didn't want the word to sound uncomfortable on his lips when he told it to Cris. He waited until their night off together. It had been a week of hard work for them both; Cris was catching up on the things that had been set aside while they were away and Rowan was establishing the doctor's office in the Towers as his.
But when they had time alone together, oh, it was beautiful, and Rowan was easily carried away to the silence and gentle rocking of a boat moored by itself in the warmth of the Caribbean. He waited until he and Cris had truly begun to relax, after they'd loved each other perfectly in the comfortable bed in the loft. When they were lying together like this Rowan felt such peace and perfection.
They were tangled comfortably together, legs intertwined, Rowan's head upon Cris's chest as he listened to the slow steady beat of his partner's heart. He wasn't tired yet and he knew Cris was still awake as well. He let his hand drift lazily up and down Cris's side, smiling at how perfect this simple thing could be. Finally, he rolled over just a bit and looked up at Cris.
"Cris." He waited for his fiance to look down at him. "There's something I want to tell you..."
But when they had time alone together, oh, it was beautiful, and Rowan was easily carried away to the silence and gentle rocking of a boat moored by itself in the warmth of the Caribbean. He waited until he and Cris had truly begun to relax, after they'd loved each other perfectly in the comfortable bed in the loft. When they were lying together like this Rowan felt such peace and perfection.
They were tangled comfortably together, legs intertwined, Rowan's head upon Cris's chest as he listened to the slow steady beat of his partner's heart. He wasn't tired yet and he knew Cris was still awake as well. He let his hand drift lazily up and down Cris's side, smiling at how perfect this simple thing could be. Finally, he rolled over just a bit and looked up at Cris.
"Cris." He waited for his fiance to look down at him. "There's something I want to tell you..."
Christian Bern
11 years ago
Cris was as content as one man could possibly get. The vacation they had taken had been perfection and the relaxing effects of being alone for days with just himself and Rowan on a boat in the middle of the ocean were still being felt even after coming back.
He had to stop smiling. His team was going to think he had been abducted by aliens and replaced while on vacation, or maybe Anantya had found a really good body double, kidnapped him and replaced him with a spy.
Cris would like to believe that Rowan would know the difference but then maybe he was a doppelganger also.
Now they were enjoying some time off together at home. It had already begun quite wonderfully.
Stretching and smiling at Rowan when he looked up at him, he chuckled. "Rowan, you do not have to tell me you are pregnant we are already engaged." Much of their talk lately, when not about work, had been about wedding planning. Cris grinned and hugged his partner tighter.
Growing more serious, he nodded. "What is it, Love?"
He had to stop smiling. His team was going to think he had been abducted by aliens and replaced while on vacation, or maybe Anantya had found a really good body double, kidnapped him and replaced him with a spy.
Cris would like to believe that Rowan would know the difference but then maybe he was a doppelganger also.
Now they were enjoying some time off together at home. It had already begun quite wonderfully.
Stretching and smiling at Rowan when he looked up at him, he chuckled. "Rowan, you do not have to tell me you are pregnant we are already engaged." Much of their talk lately, when not about work, had been about wedding planning. Cris grinned and hugged his partner tighter.
Growing more serious, he nodded. "What is it, Love?"
Rowan Murphy
11 years ago
Rowan laughed softly at Cris's jest. He was endearing in this mood. Rowan liked bringing out this lightness and sweetness in his partner. When they were in this mood together, nothing could bring them down. He loved it.
"What a medical miracle that would be," he said with a grin.
Cris became more serious, though and Rowan continued to smile. His news wasn't so very solemn. No cause for concern, but he did hope it made Cris happy.
"I was thinking," he began slowly, "about our marriage license. I know you love me no matter what and you can't imagine how happy that makes me, but something Becky said made me realize I wanted you to know at least some part of me that was... well, real."
Rowan knew the word wasn't correct. He was the real him. He was comfortable with himself and Cris knew that. But he also thought Cris would understand what he meant.
"I asked Henri what my name was. I've suspected for some time that he knows much more of the truth of my past than he lets on. And he did have some answers for me. In the end, we decided that just my given name would be good to have. And I wanted you to have it."
He was still smiling up at his partner, his hand having stilled to rest warmly upon Cris's lean hip. Now Rowan raised himself on his elbow, looking down into Cris's handsome face.
"It's Emory," he said. "Apparently my birth name was Emory. I thought it should be on our license, because I want it to be completely legitimate. Most importantly, though, I wanted you to know it. And to use it, if you want to, but that's up to you."
He was Rue to his friends, Ruan to Henri. Rowan was many things to many different people. Cris called him Rowan and Rue... but Cris was much much more than a friend. Friendship paled in comparison to what they shared and if there was ever a single person in the universe who should call Rowan something distinctive, something that was only theirs and no one else's, then that person should be Cris. No one knew Rowan's name until recently but Henri. And Rowan wanted Cris to have that knowledge.
He waited for Cris's response, not particularly worried or nervous; he loved Cris. Cris loved him. Rowan could change his name a million times and the love would remain. It was truly amazing how you could add love to just about any equation and come up with a positive answer. Rowan had never trusted anyone, since Henri, the way he trusted Cris now. There was no part of him he didn't want to share with his fiance and every little moment like this drew them tighter and tighter together. In Rowan's opinion, that was a beautiful thing.
"What a medical miracle that would be," he said with a grin.
Cris became more serious, though and Rowan continued to smile. His news wasn't so very solemn. No cause for concern, but he did hope it made Cris happy.
"I was thinking," he began slowly, "about our marriage license. I know you love me no matter what and you can't imagine how happy that makes me, but something Becky said made me realize I wanted you to know at least some part of me that was... well, real."
Rowan knew the word wasn't correct. He was the real him. He was comfortable with himself and Cris knew that. But he also thought Cris would understand what he meant.
"I asked Henri what my name was. I've suspected for some time that he knows much more of the truth of my past than he lets on. And he did have some answers for me. In the end, we decided that just my given name would be good to have. And I wanted you to have it."
He was still smiling up at his partner, his hand having stilled to rest warmly upon Cris's lean hip. Now Rowan raised himself on his elbow, looking down into Cris's handsome face.
"It's Emory," he said. "Apparently my birth name was Emory. I thought it should be on our license, because I want it to be completely legitimate. Most importantly, though, I wanted you to know it. And to use it, if you want to, but that's up to you."
He was Rue to his friends, Ruan to Henri. Rowan was many things to many different people. Cris called him Rowan and Rue... but Cris was much much more than a friend. Friendship paled in comparison to what they shared and if there was ever a single person in the universe who should call Rowan something distinctive, something that was only theirs and no one else's, then that person should be Cris. No one knew Rowan's name until recently but Henri. And Rowan wanted Cris to have that knowledge.
He waited for Cris's response, not particularly worried or nervous; he loved Cris. Cris loved him. Rowan could change his name a million times and the love would remain. It was truly amazing how you could add love to just about any equation and come up with a positive answer. Rowan had never trusted anyone, since Henri, the way he trusted Cris now. There was no part of him he didn't want to share with his fiance and every little moment like this drew them tighter and tighter together. In Rowan's opinion, that was a beautiful thing.
Christian Bern
11 years ago
Cris listened to the beginning of the explanation and frowned slightly when Rowan mentioned having a part of him that was real. Pressing Rowan tighter to him, he said. "I have the most real you there is. This you." Not Dr. Murphy, not the story teller, not pirate Rowan, not who ever Rowan was in his past but the one who was all of those things and not defined by any of them.
His partner mentioned the marriage license and Cris was intrigued; was Rowan worried that it wouldn't hold up through the centuries? They would have to change it many times but that is what all vampires did. He wanted to keep the original safe but they would have many more after the first. Perhaps they would one day have matching microchips proclaiming them as part of the same household. One day vampires and humans might be able to live openly together. Maybe then Aishe would be officially recognized as a part of his family as well. Cris smiled and waited for Rowan to further explain.
When he mentioned his name, Cris understood. Rowan didn't know his birth name. His eyebrows raised when his partner explained that Henri knew more. It sounded as though his Creator knew the whole story but Rowan didn't want to know. He wondered what was so bad that Henri chose not to tell Rowan. Surely his lover wasn't the murderer he feared. He would think that Henri would tell Rowan what he had learned to ease his partner's concerns about his past or at least say that it wasn't as bad as Rowan feared. But perhaps it was. It didn't matter, he might be in bed with a person who was once a ruthless murderer but he couldn't even imagine such a Rowan so whatever his lover had been in his past wasn't important until it was important to Rowan himself.
"Emory." Cris reached up and brushed Rowan's hair gently back from his cheek while he considered the new, old, name. "Emory... I think it might suit you."
Regarding Rowan somberly, he answered his partner's request. "I am touched and honored to be gifted with your real name. It is very special." Cris added something that was important to him. "But I want Rowan to be on the certificate also. You can be Rowan Emory Murphy or Emory Rowan Murphy but you were Rowan when we met and that's the name that I would like to have on our first marriage license, if you do not mind. It is, of course, your decision." Rowan might be called many things over the course of their life together but Cris would always have a special place in his heart for the name Rowan...and now Emory.
Raising his eyebrows, he asked. "Would you rather be married to Crispin Staubbach or Christian Bern?" He had wanted to put his real name on the license, especially since Rowan did call him Cris but he had been Christian when Rowan met him so maybe that name had special meaning to his partner more than his original name. He would put which ever one Rowan wanted on the license; Rowan was getting them both anyway.
His partner mentioned the marriage license and Cris was intrigued; was Rowan worried that it wouldn't hold up through the centuries? They would have to change it many times but that is what all vampires did. He wanted to keep the original safe but they would have many more after the first. Perhaps they would one day have matching microchips proclaiming them as part of the same household. One day vampires and humans might be able to live openly together. Maybe then Aishe would be officially recognized as a part of his family as well. Cris smiled and waited for Rowan to further explain.
When he mentioned his name, Cris understood. Rowan didn't know his birth name. His eyebrows raised when his partner explained that Henri knew more. It sounded as though his Creator knew the whole story but Rowan didn't want to know. He wondered what was so bad that Henri chose not to tell Rowan. Surely his lover wasn't the murderer he feared. He would think that Henri would tell Rowan what he had learned to ease his partner's concerns about his past or at least say that it wasn't as bad as Rowan feared. But perhaps it was. It didn't matter, he might be in bed with a person who was once a ruthless murderer but he couldn't even imagine such a Rowan so whatever his lover had been in his past wasn't important until it was important to Rowan himself.
"Emory." Cris reached up and brushed Rowan's hair gently back from his cheek while he considered the new, old, name. "Emory... I think it might suit you."
Regarding Rowan somberly, he answered his partner's request. "I am touched and honored to be gifted with your real name. It is very special." Cris added something that was important to him. "But I want Rowan to be on the certificate also. You can be Rowan Emory Murphy or Emory Rowan Murphy but you were Rowan when we met and that's the name that I would like to have on our first marriage license, if you do not mind. It is, of course, your decision." Rowan might be called many things over the course of their life together but Cris would always have a special place in his heart for the name Rowan...and now Emory.
Raising his eyebrows, he asked. "Would you rather be married to Crispin Staubbach or Christian Bern?" He had wanted to put his real name on the license, especially since Rowan did call him Cris but he had been Christian when Rowan met him so maybe that name had special meaning to his partner more than his original name. He would put which ever one Rowan wanted on the license; Rowan was getting them both anyway.
Rowan Murphy
11 years ago
Rowan smiled and nodded at Cris. Cris did have the 'real' Rowan in every sense of the term. He might have a tendency to color his facts, change his name, whatever, but he had never done so with Cris. Not when it mattered. Sure, he'd joked with him and played the occasional prank but those were just who he was. He had offered himself in his purest form to Cris and he wouldn't take that back.
He enjoyed knowing he had the 'real' Cris as well. He had seen his fiance at work and at play. Sober and drunk. Sad, angry, passionate, happy. Things Cris didn't reveal to just anyone. They might be many things in their daily lives but for each other, they were real. Rowan loved it.
Rowan enjoyed Cris's gentle caress while his partner mulled over his name. There was a faint smile upon his lips as he looked at Cris, unable to get enough of him. His smile widened when Cris declared it suitable. "I think I actually like it," Rowan said. "But... it doesn't feel familiar. Not like I sort of thought it might." Hoped it might, feared it might... he wasn't sure which. Maybe both. "I thought maybe there would be something. Some spark of recognition, like 'oh, I remember someone called me this once' but no. There was nothing."
He shrugged one shoulder. It didn't bother him; it had long since ceased to. The fear of what he might have been remained, but any anxiety over having actually lost his memory had long since faded if it had ever existed. "I'm hoping you can make it familiar again," he added, dropping a soft kiss on Cris's lips.
Cris's request was met with a nod; Rowan had planned to continue using his current name since it was legally his. He would be changing it, however, which was something he also wanted to bring up. "I though I'd use it as my middle name," he said. "I don't want anyone inadvertently referring to me as Emory when it's a name just for you. So Rowan Murphy I will remain for now. Besides, my initials would be REM and who can resist the irony?"
He grinned; now that his trouble sleeping seemed to be mostly over with he was back to his usual habit of sleeping like the dead. Every now and then he had a slightly restless night and once or twice he had contacted Evgeni but those times were few and far between. It hadn't happened at all on their vacation. Getting away had really been a good thing for both of them. Even Cris was smiling more although Rowan liked to think that was partly because of their upcoming nuptials.
When Cris asked about his own name Rowan lowered himself again, this time draped half over his partner, letting his hand once more glide lovingly along Cris's fair skin. "I am marrying this man right here," he said, smoothing his fingertips over the angle of Cris's hip down to his thigh and back up. "The one who makes me smile and laugh and fills me with such love I can hardly believe he's real. Whatever name we put on our license should be the one you feel is right. I love Christian Bern and I love Crispin Staubbach. Although I believe, in my heart, you have been Crispin Staubbach ever since I learned that it was your birth name."
He paused for a moment, a little uncertain of his next question. Wouldn't Cris have asked him already if he wanted it? Well, it couldn't hurt to ask. He ducked his head, mischievously nipping gently at the flat nipple on the near side of Cris's chest.
"You know," he said softly, "My surname has no significance either. I picked it out of a list of popular Irish names. I'm not... particularly attached to it. And in order to use Emory I need to change my name legally anyway..."
His grey-green eyes flickered up at Cris. In today's world it was increasingly more common for married couples, male or female, to keep their birth names. If that was Cris's desire then Rowan was fine with it but a real name... a real name was something he'd never really had. Ruan, Rowan - he was attached to those now. For a very long time he had used Henri's surname, Durand, which was also not Henri's original surname. The rest of the time Rowan had simply plucked names out of a hat and used them. He seemed to be collecting them as he went along. A surname was your family though. It was where you came from, where you belonged, who your relatives were, who claimed you as theirs. All those things.
Rowan hadn't realized he'd wanted that sort of thing until meeting Cris. His words would not be lost on his partner, he knew. If Cris didn't want to share his with Rowan Rowan wouldn't be terribly hurt. If he did, however, it would mean a great deal to Rowan. That, though, was up to Cris. In Rowan's heart he and Cris were already family enough. Names were nice and all but in a vampire's life they did change. It would just be nice to have, for once in his life, a name he could truly point to and say, 'that one is mine. No matter who else I become in the next fifty years.'
He enjoyed knowing he had the 'real' Cris as well. He had seen his fiance at work and at play. Sober and drunk. Sad, angry, passionate, happy. Things Cris didn't reveal to just anyone. They might be many things in their daily lives but for each other, they were real. Rowan loved it.
Rowan enjoyed Cris's gentle caress while his partner mulled over his name. There was a faint smile upon his lips as he looked at Cris, unable to get enough of him. His smile widened when Cris declared it suitable. "I think I actually like it," Rowan said. "But... it doesn't feel familiar. Not like I sort of thought it might." Hoped it might, feared it might... he wasn't sure which. Maybe both. "I thought maybe there would be something. Some spark of recognition, like 'oh, I remember someone called me this once' but no. There was nothing."
He shrugged one shoulder. It didn't bother him; it had long since ceased to. The fear of what he might have been remained, but any anxiety over having actually lost his memory had long since faded if it had ever existed. "I'm hoping you can make it familiar again," he added, dropping a soft kiss on Cris's lips.
Cris's request was met with a nod; Rowan had planned to continue using his current name since it was legally his. He would be changing it, however, which was something he also wanted to bring up. "I though I'd use it as my middle name," he said. "I don't want anyone inadvertently referring to me as Emory when it's a name just for you. So Rowan Murphy I will remain for now. Besides, my initials would be REM and who can resist the irony?"
He grinned; now that his trouble sleeping seemed to be mostly over with he was back to his usual habit of sleeping like the dead. Every now and then he had a slightly restless night and once or twice he had contacted Evgeni but those times were few and far between. It hadn't happened at all on their vacation. Getting away had really been a good thing for both of them. Even Cris was smiling more although Rowan liked to think that was partly because of their upcoming nuptials.
When Cris asked about his own name Rowan lowered himself again, this time draped half over his partner, letting his hand once more glide lovingly along Cris's fair skin. "I am marrying this man right here," he said, smoothing his fingertips over the angle of Cris's hip down to his thigh and back up. "The one who makes me smile and laugh and fills me with such love I can hardly believe he's real. Whatever name we put on our license should be the one you feel is right. I love Christian Bern and I love Crispin Staubbach. Although I believe, in my heart, you have been Crispin Staubbach ever since I learned that it was your birth name."
He paused for a moment, a little uncertain of his next question. Wouldn't Cris have asked him already if he wanted it? Well, it couldn't hurt to ask. He ducked his head, mischievously nipping gently at the flat nipple on the near side of Cris's chest.
"You know," he said softly, "My surname has no significance either. I picked it out of a list of popular Irish names. I'm not... particularly attached to it. And in order to use Emory I need to change my name legally anyway..."
His grey-green eyes flickered up at Cris. In today's world it was increasingly more common for married couples, male or female, to keep their birth names. If that was Cris's desire then Rowan was fine with it but a real name... a real name was something he'd never really had. Ruan, Rowan - he was attached to those now. For a very long time he had used Henri's surname, Durand, which was also not Henri's original surname. The rest of the time Rowan had simply plucked names out of a hat and used them. He seemed to be collecting them as he went along. A surname was your family though. It was where you came from, where you belonged, who your relatives were, who claimed you as theirs. All those things.
Rowan hadn't realized he'd wanted that sort of thing until meeting Cris. His words would not be lost on his partner, he knew. If Cris didn't want to share his with Rowan Rowan wouldn't be terribly hurt. If he did, however, it would mean a great deal to Rowan. That, though, was up to Cris. In Rowan's heart he and Cris were already family enough. Names were nice and all but in a vampire's life they did change. It would just be nice to have, for once in his life, a name he could truly point to and say, 'that one is mine. No matter who else I become in the next fifty years.'
Christian Bern
11 years ago
"Hmm,†Cris pondered Rowan's birth name and shrugged. "perhaps you were not called Emory very often. It is possible that you had a nickname; perhaps Emory was also your father's name so they called you something else until you were an adult. Or, more likely, you were a mischievous little redhead who got stuck with a nickname for some stunt he pulled that got him labeled by the whole village for the rest of his life.†Cris raised his eyebrows at Rowan, daring his lover to disagree with this potential little Emory. "That might explain why it doesn't sound familiar.â€
He was happy to hear that Rowan had been intending on keeping Rowan as part of his name on the marriage license. It was a little thing but it meant a lot to him. Origins were important when you lived for so many centuries.
Cris rolled his eyes upward at his partner; he poked Rowan once in the ribs even as he laughed at his fianee's reason for picking Rowan Emory Murphy instead of Emory Rowan Murphy. "That does suit you.†He agreed, still shaking his head.
Rowan declared him Crispin instead of Christian which was also what he had hoped for. He nodded once, smoothing his hands down over Rowan's hips. "I have indeed been Cris all my life.†In some form or another that had been his name. The good thing about his original first name was that the shortened version could stay the same even through various aliases. He had been Cristophe, Christopher, Christian, Cristan and so on since he was born.
His partner spoke of his surname and that it didn't have meaning for him either. Cris regarded Rowan solemnly, nodding when Rowan said he would need to change his name legally anyway if he was going to use Emory as his middle name. "I would love for you to have my name. It is from the village I was born in. You saw it in the dream.†Cris thought that they should visit it on their honeymoon. A cozy cabin in the mountains was not as far away from it all as a ship in the middle of the ocean but it was remote enough. Besides he would like Rowan to see it in person. "When we have to change our names again. We can choose together.†In Evenhet's records he was known by his birth name and he knew that they would record his marriage to Rowan, just as they had included Aishe as his daughter in their files.
"Of course then you wouldn't be REM....†Cris smiled at Rowan. "Are you sure you can live without the pun?â€
There was another thought also. "Did you want to go by Bern or would you like to keep Murphy for the sake of human ties?" Rowan was known as Murphy, his degrees were on the wall with that name. That was easy to take care of in the vampire world and if Rowan wanted to change his name they could take care of the details with minimal fuss. "We could also both change our last name to something shared, if you like."
He was happy to hear that Rowan had been intending on keeping Rowan as part of his name on the marriage license. It was a little thing but it meant a lot to him. Origins were important when you lived for so many centuries.
Cris rolled his eyes upward at his partner; he poked Rowan once in the ribs even as he laughed at his fianee's reason for picking Rowan Emory Murphy instead of Emory Rowan Murphy. "That does suit you.†He agreed, still shaking his head.
Rowan declared him Crispin instead of Christian which was also what he had hoped for. He nodded once, smoothing his hands down over Rowan's hips. "I have indeed been Cris all my life.†In some form or another that had been his name. The good thing about his original first name was that the shortened version could stay the same even through various aliases. He had been Cristophe, Christopher, Christian, Cristan and so on since he was born.
His partner spoke of his surname and that it didn't have meaning for him either. Cris regarded Rowan solemnly, nodding when Rowan said he would need to change his name legally anyway if he was going to use Emory as his middle name. "I would love for you to have my name. It is from the village I was born in. You saw it in the dream.†Cris thought that they should visit it on their honeymoon. A cozy cabin in the mountains was not as far away from it all as a ship in the middle of the ocean but it was remote enough. Besides he would like Rowan to see it in person. "When we have to change our names again. We can choose together.†In Evenhet's records he was known by his birth name and he knew that they would record his marriage to Rowan, just as they had included Aishe as his daughter in their files.
"Of course then you wouldn't be REM....†Cris smiled at Rowan. "Are you sure you can live without the pun?â€
There was another thought also. "Did you want to go by Bern or would you like to keep Murphy for the sake of human ties?" Rowan was known as Murphy, his degrees were on the wall with that name. That was easy to take care of in the vampire world and if Rowan wanted to change his name they could take care of the details with minimal fuss. "We could also both change our last name to something shared, if you like."
Rowan Murphy
11 years ago
Rowan smiled contentedly as Cris proceeded to come up with several reasons why Emory did not sound familiar to him. He closed his eyes and continued to smile, pretty sure that amnesia was amnesia no matter how you sliced it but Cris made plenty of sense too. Either way. He was going to have to reinvent Emory.
As usual they were in accord. Their moods so often synched up now; Cris was obviously happy and Rowan was happy that Cris was happy, which made them both happy. And it worked the other way around too, which probably made them doubly happy. Or quadruply happy - Rowan stopped trying to do math and simply focused on his partner's gentle caresses, adding his own in.
When Cris nodded at him, though, Rowan's heart pounded. He lifted his head up, smile growing. "Yeah? You really want me to?" That Cris wanted to share a name with him made him ecstatic. He ducked his head and kissed Cris full on the mouth, squeezing his partner to him happily.
The fact that Cris suggested continuing to take the same name throughout the years had him over the moon, really. Rowan didn't think he could get any more excited about it. Cris would really be his family. They would be a couple, sharing everything, for as long as they existed. It was mind-boggling... in a good way.
"I would be Rowan Emory Staubbach," Rowan said when Cris smiled and teased him about losing his pun almost before he had it. "That is totally worth any number of sacrifices. One little pun will hardly go missed when I'm getting so much more instead."
The topic of using the same name in their day-to-day lives was bound to come up as well. Rowan had never worked for his Clan before. He wasn't Dr. Murphy to many of them and he wasn't really sure he wanted to be. He could see that it might get confusing, though, what with Chief Bern and Dr. Bern working right across from one another.
"I don't know," he said frankly to his partner. "I mean, I want to be with you. And I want the whole world to know I'm with you. But if it's easier to keep things as they are for public appearance I guess that's all right."
He lifted a shoulder. "That, and there's the fact that some rebellious perverse part of me wants the whole world to have to acknowledge our relationship. Maybe it'll make it that much easier for another couple in our position."
The world wasn't horribly accepting of same-sex marriages yet. Generally, that made Rowan want to shove it in the world's face. Cris, however, might not share that opinion and Rowan was all right with that too.
"What do you prefer, love?"
As usual they were in accord. Their moods so often synched up now; Cris was obviously happy and Rowan was happy that Cris was happy, which made them both happy. And it worked the other way around too, which probably made them doubly happy. Or quadruply happy - Rowan stopped trying to do math and simply focused on his partner's gentle caresses, adding his own in.
When Cris nodded at him, though, Rowan's heart pounded. He lifted his head up, smile growing. "Yeah? You really want me to?" That Cris wanted to share a name with him made him ecstatic. He ducked his head and kissed Cris full on the mouth, squeezing his partner to him happily.
The fact that Cris suggested continuing to take the same name throughout the years had him over the moon, really. Rowan didn't think he could get any more excited about it. Cris would really be his family. They would be a couple, sharing everything, for as long as they existed. It was mind-boggling... in a good way.
"I would be Rowan Emory Staubbach," Rowan said when Cris smiled and teased him about losing his pun almost before he had it. "That is totally worth any number of sacrifices. One little pun will hardly go missed when I'm getting so much more instead."
The topic of using the same name in their day-to-day lives was bound to come up as well. Rowan had never worked for his Clan before. He wasn't Dr. Murphy to many of them and he wasn't really sure he wanted to be. He could see that it might get confusing, though, what with Chief Bern and Dr. Bern working right across from one another.
"I don't know," he said frankly to his partner. "I mean, I want to be with you. And I want the whole world to know I'm with you. But if it's easier to keep things as they are for public appearance I guess that's all right."
He lifted a shoulder. "That, and there's the fact that some rebellious perverse part of me wants the whole world to have to acknowledge our relationship. Maybe it'll make it that much easier for another couple in our position."
The world wasn't horribly accepting of same-sex marriages yet. Generally, that made Rowan want to shove it in the world's face. Cris, however, might not share that opinion and Rowan was all right with that too.
"What do you prefer, love?"
Christian Bern
11 years ago
Cris laughed when Rowan easily gave up his pun for the sake of taking his name. Back at the time he was born he hadn't really had a surname; people were known by professions mostly. His father had been known as a farmer. But, as a mercenary among mercenaries, he became known by where he was from. He was proud his home and happy to continue being Staubbach for centuries.
Occasionally he had taken the German last name of Bauer or Schafer to honor his parents. Now perhaps they would come up with new ones to honor Rowan's past. He didn't think that pirate as a last name would work very well in the security profession but perhaps something honoring Rowan's skill at script would be nice. They could both be Schreiber or whatever the Irish version of that was. He hoped he could pronounce it; Rowan might have to help with that.
He listened to Rowan's reasoning for changing their names or keeping them the same. Cris had to be amused and yet he loved Rowan all the more for his bold attitude. This flamboyant man was going to stay with him for the rest of his life. Cris found the thought so incredible, so hard to imagine at times, that it still overwhelmed him.
"How about a compromise then?†He smiled at Rowan. "We can legally change our names to Bern-Murphy and place that on any documentation that is necessary for living, billing, accounts, insurance,or whatever. The 'man' will have to acknowledge our united status. After all the government needs to change. For the ease of every day life we can continue using the one that we started this little era with.†Cris thought it accomplished both goals quite nicely and he could have Rowan's name as a part of his own on everything that mattered. "It seems real to me when I see it in writing.†For his team and in high stress situations shouting Bern-Murphy might not be the best option. Later, when they chose new identities then they could pick something together, hopefully short and easy to say.
Which brought him back to his earlier thought. "Will you teach me, Gaelic, Love?â€
Occasionally he had taken the German last name of Bauer or Schafer to honor his parents. Now perhaps they would come up with new ones to honor Rowan's past. He didn't think that pirate as a last name would work very well in the security profession but perhaps something honoring Rowan's skill at script would be nice. They could both be Schreiber or whatever the Irish version of that was. He hoped he could pronounce it; Rowan might have to help with that.
He listened to Rowan's reasoning for changing their names or keeping them the same. Cris had to be amused and yet he loved Rowan all the more for his bold attitude. This flamboyant man was going to stay with him for the rest of his life. Cris found the thought so incredible, so hard to imagine at times, that it still overwhelmed him.
"How about a compromise then?†He smiled at Rowan. "We can legally change our names to Bern-Murphy and place that on any documentation that is necessary for living, billing, accounts, insurance,or whatever. The 'man' will have to acknowledge our united status. After all the government needs to change. For the ease of every day life we can continue using the one that we started this little era with.†Cris thought it accomplished both goals quite nicely and he could have Rowan's name as a part of his own on everything that mattered. "It seems real to me when I see it in writing.†For his team and in high stress situations shouting Bern-Murphy might not be the best option. Later, when they chose new identities then they could pick something together, hopefully short and easy to say.
Which brought him back to his earlier thought. "Will you teach me, Gaelic, Love?â€
Rowan Murphy
11 years ago
Rowan smiled and considered Cris's compromise. "It does seem like the most sensible option," he conceded, although he would maintain that his own surname had almost no appeal for him. He really had pointed it out randomly from a list. But, it was the name Cris had first known him by and he would be hypocritical not to think it might have some meaning for Cris.
His smile only grew when Cris asked him to teach him a new language, the one Rowan had first spoken when he'd woken up so long ago as a vampire. "Of course I will, love. Where would you like me to begin?"
Cris already knew a few phrases, of course, since Rowan used them on occasion and had also spoken in Gaeilge to Cris just for fun. Now he leaned up on both arms and dipped his head down to press his lips against Cris's neck. "I could start here. Neck. Shoulder. Chest."
He repeated each body part in the appropriate language and drew his mouth over them as he traveled, still grinning at his partner. "Mouth. Lips. Eyes. This is terribly elementary, Cris. We should move on to something harder."
Yeah, he admitted it was a pretty shameless ploy but Rowan felt happy and careless tonight. He doubted he and Cris would spent the entire evening making out in their bed but that didn't mean they had to get up just this second.
They could go make out on the couch instead. Later.
His smile only grew when Cris asked him to teach him a new language, the one Rowan had first spoken when he'd woken up so long ago as a vampire. "Of course I will, love. Where would you like me to begin?"
Cris already knew a few phrases, of course, since Rowan used them on occasion and had also spoken in Gaeilge to Cris just for fun. Now he leaned up on both arms and dipped his head down to press his lips against Cris's neck. "I could start here. Neck. Shoulder. Chest."
He repeated each body part in the appropriate language and drew his mouth over them as he traveled, still grinning at his partner. "Mouth. Lips. Eyes. This is terribly elementary, Cris. We should move on to something harder."
Yeah, he admitted it was a pretty shameless ploy but Rowan felt happy and careless tonight. He doubted he and Cris would spent the entire evening making out in their bed but that didn't mean they had to get up just this second.
They could go make out on the couch instead. Later.