Wake Up Little Susie ((lock please))
Dana sat in the very center of her bed, the coverlet dented by her slight weight. It was in this same place, with phone to her left, a small knife to her right, and a picture at her toes, she had sat for the last twenty-two days. She was beginning to feel the effects of the lack of blood upon her body, for she'd not fed since returning to Nachton.
No, she'd left Bao's office and sat silently in her car for five long silent minutes. Then she had picked up her phone and typed three swift specifically worded texts to Amir's phone.
~Amir, I know you are in the middle of what I can only assume is a very important mission, so I will be brief. I have returned to Nachton, the reasons behind my lack of contact are long and varied and not fit for this medium.~
~I do not wish for you to reply to these texts, as I do not want to take up more of your time than I have already. Please take the time to find me when you have completed your assignment and are able to give me a small amount of your time.~
~I have much to say, and most of it is not easy but is necessary for me to move on into the future I wish to see. Wishing you safety and a quick return home. -Dana~
She'd then tossed the slim black thing on the seat and sped back to the safety of her rooms in the manor. She'd showered again, and put on a very simple cotton shift. After plugging in her phone, picking up the small painting of Lady Erin, and retrieving her dagger from the bedside table, she'd climbed to the very center of her bed.
Over the next three weeks, she allowed her mind to come to terms with all that had befallen her all her long years of life. For she believed she lived, she was not doomed, nor cursed, nor reanimated death, none of the things Lady Erin told her she was. She was not weak-willed nor deficient in some way that would cause her to loose her mind under the stress of the traumas of her recent life.
She mourned her creator, letting the tears of her pain course freely down her face to splash unbidden on her clothing and bedding. She slept when exhaustion would no longer brook any argument from her. Dana came to terms with who she was and reconciled it against who she wanted to be. She still had an intense and debilitating fear of flight, but she did not feel shame about it, it was her fear to keep or overcome and there was no shame in it. She still felt trepidation at the thought of being in large crowds of humans, but knew she could mask it. She closely examined the other of her neurosis and found them to be part of her and saw no reason to change them, and honestly did not think it possible to rid herself of her excessive need for neatness.
She took her mind through, around and about her love of music, and discovered that this was her own. It had not been suggested, given to her, or sanctioned by Lady Erin. Oh certainly her Lady had encouraged the pursuit, but only in so far as to smile and nod and compliment from time to time. No music, was hers and she was intensely glad of it.
Then finally she examined her relationship with Amir. It was...had been...hasty. She had thrown herself from one unhealthy relationship, into an abyss and had clung to the first lifeline she had come across. She did not for one moment regret one second of her time with him. She had learned so very much about the real world through him, and he had been a patient teacher.
But change had come to her, as it did to everything, and she was certain, to her core, that she could no longer keep her relationship with Amir as it had been before she'd left. Granted, she was almost positive that he would not be inclined to pick up where they had left off either. Certainly she cared for, and would always have a special place in her heart for Amir, but she no more loved him than she would any other Clan member. And that was the crux of it for her. She needed to be DANA not a lover, or child, or friend, or companion, or any other label another asked of her or she asked of herself. She needed to discover who she was and what she really and truly wanted from this life she had been blessed with.
It was as she came to this conclusion, that she allowed the gnawing of her belly against her spine to come into her awareness. Picking up the forgotten black rectangle, she pressed the square that would illuminate the face and was astonished to see just how much time had passed. It was time to get off her backside, and take control of her life.
Crawling from the bed, she returned the unused dagger to its place, tossed the phone on the bedside table and the picture she placed back upon its shelf with its little scrap of black lace. She stripped the shift from her emaciated body, and tossed it into the garbage. Her shower was long and lit by seven candles, one of which guttered before she emerged from the small steamy room.
With a soft sigh, she combed through her hair and then placed it into one long braid down her back. She dressed in a simple denim pencil skirt, and a bright yellow scoop neck top. Dana slipped white and cork wedge sandals on her feet. It was time to rejoin the world. First things first,she needed to eat.