Epiphany - Not a Pretty Disease! (attn: Pak)

Kem found himself in a bind. There were some days when thinking just wasn't paying off, and this was one of them. He was frustrated with himself, something that happened often enough that he ought to know how to handle it, but lately he had the feeling he'd been more of an ass than anything else and that didn't sit well with him.



He was now, more then ever, aware of the fact that he'd completely screwed up. Again, this wasn't something he hadn't experienced before, but it was sure on a much larger scale. To his credit, he'd kept himself so walled-off from people during the course of his life, that he was used to having to take only his own feelings into account, a safe if somewhat selfish way to live.



And self-centeredness was what had caused him to leave Aishe. Oh, certainly he wanted to keep her out of his world, away from vampires, not have her suffer any one of the myriad misfortunes that could befall her in Nachton. But when it came down to it, he'd done it because he'd been too afraid to let her all the way in. When it came to trust, she had passed every test while he, as was becoming a disturbing habit, had failed to rise to her level. She had figured him out. She'd told him she knew, and instead of according her the respect of explaining and elaborating, he'd run off and left her.



Kem had been pacing circles in the sand on the beach while the chilly wind whipped his hair around his face and it was getting him nowhere, both figuratively and literally. With a scowl he admitted he might want some outside advice on this one. Alfarinn was usually his first choice when he needed advice, admonishment, a good flogging... but Alfarinn was a busy man and Kem wasn't about to impose on him with this any more than he had already.



He didn't mind whining at Pak, however. And perhaps this was something she could relate to, having issues of her own with Artemis. Giving it a few minutes' thought, he finally nodded to himself. Continuing his pacing, he reached out with his mind.



[Surprise, surprise. Are you busy, Pak? I think I need some help.]

Pakpao 18 years ago
Why the rest of the world insisted on running during the daylight hours was beyond Pak. Did they have no consideration for those of the nocturnal persuasion? The answer to that was apparently not as she had been up in the middle of the day trying to explain things about one of her programs to people.

She’d been laying on the couch ignoring one of her favorite Monty Python’s and trying to get some sleep when Kem’s voice interrupted her plans. No respect for the dead. Still she was hardly going to be difficult on this point and took a second to clear out the cobwebs before responding.


[You need help? But no I’m not busy what exactly is up or is this one of those face-to-face things?]

Please don’t say let’s have a drink. She didn’t add that last part.

Suspecting it was something that couldn’t be accomplished via the airwaves she got up and started looking for her shoes.
Kem`Raaisu 18 years ago
Kem paused for a moment. [Either way, I suppose, but it might help if you could swing by.]

He stilled long enough to pick up a small red stone and fling it out into the lapping waves. [This is going to be tough to explain. I'm down on the beach, by the way. And thanks. Another one I owe you.]

He gave her directions to his location from his house so that she could park in his driveway and walk down, then resumed pacing. How could he explain this entire story to Pak in less than an entire night? Maybe he had better figure that out before she arrived.
Pakpao 18 years ago
Swing by, not problem… if she could remember where the car keys were. Ha yes there they were.

Wait just one second. The beach! Pak let lose with a long colorful triad of Thai profanity. Crazy Egyptian had he –not- been outside; did he –not- realize how cold it was had ne -not- been raised in a desert? And he was on the beach on top of all that. She almost wished he had said something about a drink. At least she hadn’t sent all that, knowing Kem he didn’t need anything more to think about.

Not pleased by the location she pulled on a sweater before getting her coat, scarf, hat and gloves. There was supportive and then there was freezing to death.


[Right give me a few.]

Once parked with gloved hands crammed into her pockets, collar turned up and scarf nearly up to her nose, she made the walk down to the water. Fortunately there weren’t many people about, not that Kem would be hard to spot. Especially if he kept pacing like that.

“That’s a good way to get sand in your shoes.”
Kem`Raaisu 18 years ago
Caught off-guard, Kem looked down at his Doc Martens, as if waiting for them to voice an objection to being trod upon in the sand. Then he looked back at what had sounded like Pak, emanating from somewhere within a big coat, scarf, and hat. In fact, the only thing he could see for sure was a pair of bright blue eyes. The voice was unmistakable though. He flashed her a quick smile, doing his best to stand still but managing to simply limit his pacing to shifting from foot to foot, digging at the sand with his toes.

"Thanks for coming... and so far my shoes hadn't complained. Or maybe they're just used to it by now."

Under any other circumstances he might have noticed how bundled up she was, but in his state of mind he simply glossed over her state of attire. He pulled his own gloved hands out of his pockets, found another stone, and hurled that out into the surf as well.

"Had it ever, in any of the times we've hung out," he said, still looking out in the direction his stone had gone, "occurred to you that I'm not the brightest crayon in the box?"

He couldn't think of any other way to broach the subject... so he just got straight to it. Sort of. Maybe a little less than straight... but, well, he'd get there.
Pakpao 18 years ago
At least he’d stopped for a second, although it looked like he was standing on hot coals. Of course that sounded like a good idea to Pak who was already wondering if she could feel her toes. Ah, and we were throwing things; this was not going to be one of those warm and fuzzy conversations. So far everything was coming back to the cold, she had to stop that.

“Well I’d hardly call you Candy Apple Red or Cotton Candy Pink.”

He called her down her and Pak felt it would be best to let Kem work up to this in his own time. Still there had to be a compromise and well Kem didn’t look comfortable.

“Why don’t we walk, you can tell me exactly what shade you are.”

Starting down the beach Pak hoped this wasn’t one of those I need your advice conversations because she was hardly a built in sharpener. Listening venting she could handle, but advice that could get tricky.
Kem`Raaisu 18 years ago
"I need your advice," Kem said, walking agreeably alongside Pak, between her and the ocean. "It's a bit of a long story, I guess. And maybe not even advice so much as letting me know if I'm as hopeless as I think."

As they wandered down the beach, he tried to organize his thoughts. "All right. So, from the top... and I'll try to make it as short as I can. While I was away in Egypt last year I met a woman, a human woman. And I should never have been interested in her, or spent so much time with her, but she was different."

He wasn't sure how to elaborate without sounding entirely pathetic, but he figured Pak didn't need the gory details. "Anyway, she lived here in the states as well; she was just over in Egypt doing some digging... she's an archaeologist. To make a long story short..."

Kem stopped for a moment here, still unable to get the words out. "I care for her. A lot. Or, I did. We dated, I suppose, over in Egypt and continued back here as well. Her family only lives a few hours away... her father's the one with the C64, incidentally." He flashed Pak a grin and continued.

"Anyhow, we never really got all that close. Physically, I mean. I couldn't let her. I had assumed that eventually we'd both go our own separate ways, or she'd want more than I could give her and get tired, or what have you. Instead, she figured out exactly what I am, and how I got this way."

And now, the piece de resistance... Kem the Asshole! "I couldn't take it. It was overload. I got scared, left her, and came back here to Nachton. But that's not all. We're bonded, in addition, and I don't know how we managed that. I didn't even know I could do that!"

Kem shook his head as they walked. "I figured in time that would fade, too. That Aishe would go her own way and move on with her life. She's a strong woman, Pak. I wish you could meet her. But she's so very alive, too. And she's got friends, a family, a life, a career. What could I offer her in staying with me?"

He finally ran out of words for the moment, watching Pak expectantly, hoping she might see his logic... even he was starting to lose sight of it now. He wanted to kick himself.
Pakpao 18 years ago
If he was a foot shorter or so and Pak could have gotten her hands around his neck and attempt to choke the un-death right out of him she would have. Advice! As it was the only thing that was saving his ass was that he was acting as a windbreak and she wasn’t as cold.

Listing to Kem Pak felt an odd sort of knot in her stomach. Some friend she was, she’d been talking to woman involved on the side and even thinking about… She shook her head. No, no she wasn’t going to put that into the equation, not yet. Although it did explain a lot about Aishe.

She just walked in silence for a while, considering how to respond to this. Somehow, ‘I have meet her and I sort of like her.’ didn’t seem appropriate.


“She must think you have something to offer if you’ve bonded. Have you considered that?”

Good call, stall for time and make Kem do the talking. On the upside of life he’d gotten her mind off the cold.
Kem`Raaisu 18 years ago
Kem sighed. "Well, I don't think I have that much to offer. Maybe to another vampire, sure. But to Aishe? A human? I can't give her family, or children, or anything like that. She could watch me stay exactly as I am while she gets older and older and eventually passes away. That's why I left... to let her have her life back. I thought I was doing the right thing."

He stopped again, going back to early that morning. Being woken up out of a sound sleep by what he'd thought was a dream, but had continued on. "Something scared her this morning, Pak," he said. "I felt it, even though we're a few hours apart. Something scared the hell out of her and I don't know what."

That had been a lively dose of reality for him. Sometime between bedtime and now, he'd realized several things. Foremost being the fact that everything he'd tried to do had backfired.

"Don't you see? I tried to protect her by leaving her. I thought I could keep her from me, from this." He gestured to himself vaguely. "I'm so stupid sometimes. I felt her fear, and I don't even know what caused it but all I could think was that I should have been with her, that if I hadn't left I could have protected her better by staying. Everything I told myself was a lie."

His voice was vehement, anger at himself foremost in his emotions. "I wasn't protecting her, I was protecting myself. I'm a coward, Pak, and I didn't have the guts to admit it to myself until this morning."
Pakpao 18 years ago
Maybe she wouldn’t choke him, maybe she’d just trip him and shove his face into the sand. That seemed much more practical and if they were approaching high tide so much the better. It took everything Pak had not to go off on a tirade about how if he and Aishe were bonded she had her life and he was part of it. Or another rant about how family didn’t have to include children. If she did that though, she’d probably wind up explaining that Aishe was lurking about the towers and looking for someone to turn her; and she didn’t think either Aishe or Kem would appreciate her opening her big mouth.

What Kem said next brought her up short. Not being either an empath or bonded she could only assume but given what Aishe had told her and the fact that what ever this fear was had woken Kem up, Pak was forced to agree the Egyptian woman was in some trouble. More than ever she wanted to spill the beans to Kem, but following things to their logical conclusion also had to figure Kem would know if Aishe was still scared and hurt. So would settle for checking on her neighbor as soon as possible.

Not flinching or recoiling from his anger, she found herself turning on Kem, a bit more adamantly than she ordinarily would.


“You are not a coward. A bit stupid maybe, but we all are. What makes you think that if she were right here in Nachton you could have protected her? It happened bright and early this morning, hardly the time of day for you to be out being a white knight.”

Had she played that one a little close? Could be, but Pak felt Kem would over look it. If she could keep him cross though she might be able to get him to think things through, depression wasn’t nearly so good for thinking.

Even so she shrugged and half smiled in apology.


“You are not a coward." she said again. "You tried to do something very hard, probably for both of you and its not working out how you planed. So if you’re not happy about this situation, what are you going to do about?”

Pak had no issues putting this all on Kem. Not only did it keep her out of the middle it mean he had to do the work. One could not be accused of giving bad advice if one did not give advice.
Kem`Raaisu 18 years ago
What was he going to do about it? Well, instinct for him was obviuosly to run, but he had been doing that already. He disagreed with Pak; his actions of the past few months had been nothing but cowardly. And he was a hypocrite, to boot. Had he not advised Nic repeatedly not to run from your troubles, but to stand and face the music?

Their situations were different, he insisted. The futility that always seemed present in the back of his head was nagging him. He never should have gotten involved with Aishe, but he had. And he'd tried to back out of it when it was already too late and they were both in too deep.

Gah. He was going to go insane. It was the only option. But Pak did have a point; first he needed to do something about Aishe.

"I'm not sure what to do at all," he said. "This isn't my forte. I'm afraid of messing it up even further."

He took a deep breath. "I tried sending to her, when it was happening earlier, but there was no resonse. That doesn't surprise me. I'm afraid to try again, though. If she's thinking straight and paying attention now, it might just scare her all over again, hearing my voice in her head. And that would hardly be the way to go about a reconciliation."

Is that what he wanted to do? Yes and no. He sure did owe her an explanation, among other things.

"I need to find her, first and foremost, and make sure she's all right." He felt nothing from her now. He didn't know what that meant. Was she asleep? Unconscious? Alive? The last one made him shudder.

"From there, though, I've got no clue. I've no experiences like this from which to draw upon."

And that, too, was mystifying. The urge to hide from it all was overwhelming, but he dug in his heels, for once, and put that to the side.
Pakpao 18 years ago
Why hadn’t she taken a second to explain to Aishe how to send? Not happy, didn’t begin cover Pak’s feelings on the matter. A five-minute lesson might have solved a lot of problems. She’d feel bad about that for a while, but later.

“Unlike you most people use a phone. Call her, call her folks… OK that’s bad advice.”

Yeah sure ‘Hi I called out of the blue because I was afraid for your/your daughter’s life’. That would go over incredibly well.

Pak hunched her shoulders up, unconsciously trying to cover her ears with her collar, the scarf had fallen down and the wind was cutting right through her hair.


“I think you’d know if she wasn’t all right.”

At least Pak very much hoped that was the case. Still one had to give Kem a great deal of credit he was coming up with these answers all on his own and so far they weren’t anything other than what she would have told him. Except, maybe for the details…

“I don’t think many people have experiences like this.”

Extenuating circumstances, meeting and other randomness aside this was hardly something Pak could relate to. Anything she could offer Kem would be pure conjecture, speculation and ultimately shallow advice.
Kem`Raaisu 18 years ago
Kem perked up considerably. "You know, I didn't even think to call her. That figures!"

His neglected cell phone would get some use later on; there was no way Aishe was awake now, but perhaps that morning he'd try to get in touch with her. He didn't want to grovel over the phone, but maybe she'd agree to see him. Groveling in person would be so much better.

He shook his head at Pak's reassurance that everything was all right. "I don't know. It's really odd. I've spent the last few months trying to ignore everything from this bond, and now that I need to know if she's all right it's as if I've hit a dead end. I don't sense anything at all. Maybe it finally did go away."

It had been weakening, after all. In the last few weeks he hadn't felt anywhere near as much from Aishe. In fact, that little taste of abject fright had been the strongest emotion he'd had from her for a long time.

"What do I tell her when I... uh, if I can talk to her though? I had thought explaining why I left was enough but now that just seems inadequate."

This was the part where he was most likely to suffer loss of nerve. What did he want? He wanted Aishe, but he was afraid to ask her if she wanted to return with him. Why was he so damned afraid?
Pakpao 18 years ago
Pak swore softly at Kem, reached up, and hit him upside the head. It took a bit of a stretch and didn’t pack much of a wallop but she managed.

“You didn’t think of a telephone? Tell me you at least had the good sense to get her phone number or an e-mail or something.”

Common sense was a true rarity, Pak certainly didn’t claim to posses it but Kem just won a prize. He’d never sent to Aishe before and had been ignoring the bond, it would just figure he’d skip all conventional methods of contact.

What if the bond had gone away? She was certainly no expert, but Aishe had known Kem was in a foul mood and had suspected the hangover. Even if Kem hadn’t been working at things from his side Pak chose to believe that Aishe was trying to keep the bond and as such, Kem would know if she was… She refused to finish that thought.


“I don’t think it went away, I think you just haven’t worked at it. The fact that you’re not feeling anything probably means she’s fine.”

Pak could only imagine his worry right now and was doing her best to be positive. She sighed heavily at Kem’s next worry, most of it was lost in the scarf though. To Pak’s mind, he’d crossed the biggest hurdle ‘Honey I’m a vampire’. If you could get past that, you had a shot.

“Why is it inadequate? Its honest and you’re going to have to tell her sooner or later.”
Kem`Raaisu 18 years ago
The wallop to the back of his head was slightly unexpected but not entirely undeserved. Kem gave Pak a sheepish smile and shrugged. "I'd try to make up some excuse for forgetting the phone, but I really don't have one. And of course I have her number. Both of them!"

He gave her a smug nod, making an effort to conceal the fact that he was jumpy and agitated enough to chew through a tree trunk. Worry for Aishe was foremost, but he was still kicking himself over his own failings as well, which he could deal with if it ended up that he stood a chance at redemption.

"It's inadequate because I owe her more than just a reason for why I did what I did at this point," he said. "Only, I'm not sure what. What exactly can make up for the fact that I completely ditched her? That's assuming she doesn't hate me by now. Which I'm fairly certain isn't the case."

He could run on all night. Instead, he shut up and looked over at Pak, almost expecting another slap to the head. "What would you do? I know, it's not a good question, but humor me."
Pakpao 18 years ago
Pak smiled reassuringly, if you would see it behind her scarf, when Kem admitted to having Aishe’s numbers. Perhaps it was forgivable to forget that sort of thing if you just didn’t need a phone.

So far, this was going as well as could be expected and Pak was rather pleased with herself, that she hadn’t had to give any real advice and hadn’t shouted at Kem. However, when asked what she would do Pak was very tempted to smack him again.

‘What part of chased out of the house by my husband, former prostitute, haven’t had more than three dates in the last two centuries combined, did you not understand Kem? I mean exactly what frame of reference were you hoping I could bring to this?’

Not that she would have said any of that. But a strong and sudden gust of wind aided Pak in her self-censor and gave her time to think. Wrapping her arms around herself to protect against the wind she began hesitantly.


“I wouldn’t even know where to begin. So far, it sounds like you’ve got the right idea, you’ve got to see her. I’d call first, you don’t want to scare her any more by showing up out of the blue. What ever you do –listen- to her.”

Undoubtedly Aishe would have a lot to say. Kem would probably be listening for a very long time.
Kem`Raaisu 18 years ago
Kem always found Pak difficult to read, but her advice in this matter paralleled his own inclinations. That might have been cause for alarm, as he wasn't at all certain he was going about this the right way, but he had to do something. He was too well aware of the strange surges of terror he'd felt from Aishe the previous day to ignore it.

So... call her up, check. Listen, check. Explain things... check. He ticked each item off mentally, is if studying the to-do list might make it easier to actually accomplish.

"You know, I think I'll count myself lucky if she'll actually pick up the phone once she knows who's calling."

It was said with a grimace. Aishe wasn't really the vindictive type, and Kem hadn't actually felt anything like anger or bitterness from her, but who knew what would happen when he called.

"I'll try her this morning. And maybe she'll agree to meet me. Then I can explain myself."

Then what? If they got that far, what the hell was he going to do, ask her to stay in Nachton? Consider being turned? Whatever the outcome he'd respect it; he shold have straightened this out with her months ago. And if she wouldn't do that (and he honestly didn't expect her to go for the whole 'being a vampire' idea), all he could do would be to say goodbye properly as he should have done before. Kem was more then willing to admit he'd been dead wrong in leaving, but no matter how he looked at it, he couldn't force himself to stay with her while she grew old and died. Perhaps that made him even more of a coward, but he'd seen too much death in his own lifetime to have Aishe potentially waste her own life because of him.

"You would think we'd have all the answers, being amazingly long-lived," Kem observed, not for the first time in the last few months. "If anything, I think I've only grown dumber over the years."

Glancing over at Pak and realizing for he first time that she was bundled up like they were in the arctic, he noticed they'd also walked quite far. Mental smack on the forehead for not being observant in the slightest... again.

"If you're not frozen solid, we can go warm up back at the house," he offered. "I'd hate to have to chisel you free of a block of ice."
Pakpao 18 years ago
"She'll pick up the phone. If you have to, call her from the archives so she won't recognize the number."Â?

Caller ID, both a blessing and a curse, but what were you going to do about it?

Apparently, Kem was settling down. He sounded more like himself and less frantic about things, that was somewhat of a relief. Pak wasn't exactly experienced in advice giving or confidant in those skills, and on some level, it was just odd to give advice to someone so much older than you were. It was even worse in this case as she knew more than she'd told Kem. That really wasn't fair to him, but it wouldn't have been fair to Aishe to say anything.

Hopefully Kem would forgive her the deception if he ever found out. Until then she'd just suppress the slight guilt she was feeling.


"I'm starting to think that living longer just makes it worse; more questions and fewer answers, its bad math. And then having a potentially indefinite life span makes it extremely hard to plan a mid life crisis."Â?

Maybe that's what Kem was going through. Of course, everyone was entitled to one at least once a millennium or so.

"No way I'm trusting you to chisel me free of anything. But if you knew where there was some coffee..."Â?

Even with the coat and sweater, Pak was starting to feel the cold in a big way. Walking and thinking had held it off but Kem mentioning it brought the temperature back to her in full force.
Kem`Raaisu 18 years ago
It must have been womens' intuition that had Pak so certain Aishe would answer his call. Which was, in part, why he'd asked to use her as a sounding-board. Vampire she may be, and questionably stable past she may have had, but Pak was still a woman and in Kem's opinion that made her a reliable source from which to draw at least certain kinds of advice. His own experience with the fairer sex was limited to professional relationships.

"A midlife crisis... is that what this is? Either that or a big case of 'Wow, did I ever screw up.' Who knows, maybe they're one and the same." Regardless, Kem figured he owed Pak several for coming out here and putting up with him in spite of the wind and the cold. The favors he owed her were stacking up rather high, in fact.

Well, the woman was requesting coffee as part of the advice fee, apparently. Kem wasn't opposed to the idea himself, although he imagined he'd probably be back out here pacing at some time later that night. He had a lot on his mind yet, and although using Pak to bounce ideas off of had helped a great deal, he wasn't quite finished.

"All right. The woman demands coffee. There's the house, or four or five little cafe - diner type places within easy walking and driving distance. Your choice. And I was so looking forward to getting out my ice pick."
Pakpao 18 years ago
“I might let the midlife thing slide. At least until you buy a bright red convertible.”

No mention of the fact that she drove exactly that and no jibes about dating women half your age either. If he could actually talk to Aishe, and if things worked out, the fraction would be much smaller than one half. Figuring Aishe was about twenty-five Pak divided that buy Kem’s approximate age and nearly choked. OK maybe this was a midlife crisis and she would mock him for it later, once things had settled down. Damned good thing she had a long life expectancy.

Coffee; that really sounded good now that she mentioned it. Looking back, the way they had come she wrinkled her nose at the idea of going back. If they walked away from the ocean, however, there seemed to be a street and lights and Kem was right there were some twenty four hour joints around here. They’d probably be empty enough on a night like this that they wouldn’t have any unwelcome company. Pak jerked her head in the general direction and started towards civilization with Kem.


“Why do I get the feeling I shouldn’t trust you with sharp objects right now? Come on, I’ve got sand in my shoes, I hate that.”
Kem`Raaisu 18 years ago
Turning to Pak, Kem lifted his brows. "You're telling me I'm not allowed to buy a bright red convertible? Isn't that amusing! Fortunately I prefer blue."

However, he decided that it would be prudent to leave it there rather than make a comment about her penchant for older men. She'd already smacked him once tonight; although he wouldn't claim it was undeserved, he could stand to not have another one quite so soon.

"Well, you know the way," he said, gesturing. "The house is the closest for coffee or hot chocolate. We'd have to drive into the city otherwise."

The area he lived in was just barely outside the city... not far enough to actually be removed from the bright lights or the noise, but far enough to be out of the immediate urban environment and surrounded by other small residences instead of highrises.

"Does it need to be strong enough that the spoon stands up on its own?"