Journal of Alexandra
Les pensées sombres
Saturday 1st of April 2006
Dear journal,
Wow this is so lame, I can't believe I've actually started to write in a journal after so many years.. I remember after I was first turend, I don't remember anything of my life as a human.. I know where I used to live, I found that out myself, I even saw my family once.. or what used to be my family.
I used to have a journal then, I wrote in it every day, writing down what happend to me now that I was a brand new vampire, how it made me feel, the changes, the hurt, how alone I was even if there were others around me.. others like me.
Now I realize I've been alone for so long, clanless, a rogue vampire without a home, all of that has changed now, I'm here in another country and I have a "family" now, a real home, maybe this is a good time to start keeping a journal again.
When i first came here, I didn't know anyone, lately i've started to meet more people, most of who are friendly, some more then others.
I met this other vampire, his name is Nicholae, Nic.. we met at this club and we hit it off, damn he was sexy, kissed like just well wow, he made me tingle all over, soaked my panties in seconds after meeting him, the way he felt, the way he smelled was just mind blowing, we had sex, yes sex, that is all it was.. wasn't it?
He's from another Clan, it can never be, he probably forgot all about me by now, but i haven't forgotten about him, I don't think I ever will..
But now I'm moving on, I'm here in the city of Nachton, it's nice, the climate is mild, not that I can enjoy the sunshine.. but O well, I look better pale anyway.
I'm not sure what to write here, I think I'm just glad to have found myself a home, a place where I can be me without looking over my shoulder every other minute, my past is my past that is behind me, i'm moving on from now on, who knows who and what will come along my path, I'm open to new things, new people to meet, new places to see..
Watch out Nachton, here comes Alex and she's ready.
Tuesday 13th of June 2006
Dear journal,
It's been a while hasn't it...
I've met someone, someone special and loving, fun, naughty and sexy as hell, his name is Panos.. he rocks my world, he's from the same clan as I am well.. he used to be he kind of left and is now a rogue vamp once more.
I'm not sure who i am right now, part of me feels like I don't fit into the clan, the other part still feels like i found myself a home.. the home i never had, so where do i stand? i'm not sure, am i in love with Panos... well i really like him.. i like him alot, he's very different, he's a boy in many ways and he makes me laugh, yet on the other hand we can really talk and i need to be heard and so does he.
He told me about his history, when he was still a human.. wow.. that's intense, me not knowing always made me wonder what it must have been like to be a mortal, not that i want to be one.. but still.. you know what i mean.
In all the years i've been on this planet i've seen alot, done alot but i've never really got to me, so now the question is, who am I? what do I want out of this life? what are my goals? my destiny? do I even have one? and if so.. what the fuck is it?
So that is what i am going to find out, if I belong in Tacharan, if Panos is a keeper and the most important thing, WHO IS ALEXANDRA.
One step at a time..
Wednesday 14th of June 2006
Dear journal,
I've decided to contact Michel, who other then help me find myself then the one person who knew me or at least saw me as a humanbeing, I've emailed him and he's promissed to help me find out more about who I was.
Sofar he has checked with the city register of Saint Denis where i was born, it seems i was born into a rich family of 2 older brothers, he also found out that my parents died a few years after my turning, nothing about the brothers..
I remember when i was first turned, I didn't know who I was at all, strange to think that after all these hundreds of years I still have no clue.. but, I will change that.
One thing I do know about myself, I'm strong, not just fysicly but also mentaly and I can do this, when I was still living in France i did lots of Assassin work for who ever wanted to hire me, it made good money, but i've said goodbye to that part of my life, I feel like being "normal" for a change, find someone to love and be with, and be content and happy for a change, I think i've never been trueley happy, not even when I was still with Michel, sure there was alot between us, love? I don't think so, lust most definite.
I'll write more soon as I get more information from Michel.
Tuesday 3rd of October 2006
O screw the dear journal crap...
You know I just don't give a damn anymore about what anyone thinks about me and the whole clan thing, it's not like they're a family to me, how could I have been so stupid to believe they actually would be that.. who was I kidding, I've been alone for years, hundreds of years, that won't change.
I'll show them, all of them that Alex can take bloody well care of herself and anyone she cares for.
Talking about caring for someone, well Panos is still in the picture, he makes me feel all special and womanly, we hadn't seen eachother in month and bam there he was making me want to slam him into a wall and lick him all over, damn he looked good.. but.. I was a good girl, well for the most part.
I've got myself a little pet, well not so little but anyway, he's a good fuck, tasty too, he adores me or whatever it is he feels for me, I know he won't betray me like so many others did, he better not or he'll be blowing out his last breath soon, but right now he's fun, he's got a killer body, he makes me all wet just by the way he looks at me, I swear that man can make me orgasm just by looking at me.. damn eyes of his.
I'm going to start looking for an aprtment in Nacthon, I just don't feel like I belong in Tacharan, clans just aren't my thing, you ask me why? I guess I just follow my own rules, anyone have a problem with that? they can go fuck themselves (or let someone else do it for them), I took a hit job a while back, payed pretty good, I have enough in the bank to get a new place, something that can really be my home, not a place where others watch me, know when i'm in the building and when i leave, not that i have anything against Carol, she's the one who keeps track of everything in there, and damn she looks good.. it's a shame that Simon character hangs around her so much, I would have liked a taste of that girlie for sure.. but right now i have two men to look after my needs.
Ciao.
Monday 9th of April 2007
Welll well it's been a while hasn't it, how much can happen in a few months time? Life can screw you over badly or it goes for gold, either way it's upto you to make something of whatever is thrown your way.
It's official now, I've left Tacharan, from this moment on I'm clanless, a rogue vampire without a home other then my own, I've bought an apartment, had it redecorated from top to bottom and a few little extras installed, Panos has moved in sort of, him and me are doing good, I have no clue how long him and me will last but for the moment it feels right, it fulfills my longings, he blows my mind, makes me feel cherished.
I've been working on a few things, people contact me when they want someone dead, simple as that, I do my job and I do it with class, no traces, the Alexandra signature, clean, smooth and full of allure, that's what i'm known for, killer without remorse, the girl who does the job no matter what.
To be honest I have no clue what the future will bring, things are changing in Nachton, powers are shifting, I can feel the balance move and it's intriguing, I'm sitting back and watching the scales tip from left to right, if they need me or want me they will come to me, they always do, why? because I'm good and I do the job.
I don't give a fuck about what people think, it's a shame I had to part with Simon on these grounds, the man is okay, but Ce la vie , les choses arrivent pour une raison, I'm the last person to worry about how people see me, I have a man in my bed, a man who gives me mind blowing orgasms, a man who keeps me warm, who is there for me, we fight, we make up (gotto love make up sex), note to self, spoil Panos..
I should take him shopping sometime, not sure how he would like that though, might be hella funny, but being with me and being seen with me brings some things with it, I carry myself with style and I ask the same from the people around me, maybe it's the Francaise in me, we make sure we look good even when we're dead and in my case.. well i'm not dead am I though most humans think vampires are living corpses, what am I a zombie? dumb humans.. okay i'm rambling here, geezzz old age is making me crazy.
Till next time babe,
Au Revior