Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down (invite only)

Rowan blinked at the chart he was holding. Slowly the marks on it resolved themselves into lines, and the lines melded together to make letters. English letters. He read them once. Then again. Right, it was a medical chart.

He leaned casually on the side of the wall in the hall outside the patient's room and took a deep breath. He had been back at work for two weeks now, and it was not going well. He had yet to get handle on the nightmares that plagued him whenever he closed his eyes. Sleep had been questionable, and he couldn't hide it from Cris, who was worried about him to the point Rowan feared his partner might ziptie him and take him into custody to keep him from getting in his car and driving, or prescribing medicine.

Rowan had a reasonable grip on his faculties outside of the whole burning nightmare thing, though, and had worked while exhausted before. He had taken on shift after shift at work, not because he was avoiding Cris, but because it kept his mind focused on other things. Cold showers kept him awake, but now and then Cris had come to spend a few hours with him. Those little interludes had been wonderful. In Rowan's small office, Cris had sat on Rowan's couch and Rowan had lain on it with his head in Cris's lap. Cris read and Rowan slept without fear that he would be discovered half dead in a corner somewhere.

It was placing a strain on their relationship though. Not that they had argued; just that they weren't enjoying each other as usual because worry and fear and anxiety had become part of their nightly routine. Rowan hated it, hated that he was bringing that to Cris, but he didn't know how to get a handle on this. He was thinking about trying to find someone to glamour him.

He'd tried a sleeping pill at home and that had been a major mistake. He had a hard enough time waking up already; even with the mild sedative in his system his dreams had become even more graphic and violent and he'd woken up screaming after who knew how many attempts by Cris to wake him. The truth of it was, he was getting desperate for a solution. He was terrified of closing his eyes and seeing people he cared about burn and die. But he needed to sleep. Or he would lose it completely.

"Dr. Murphy?"

Becky's concerned brown eyes looked up a him. He had been putting on a cheerful front at work, as usual, but he didn't think many of his co-workers were fooled. They seemed to be tip-toeing around him, and he was tired of sympathetic glances and consoling pats on the back.


"Sorry Becky," he murmured. "I'm going."

She rested a hand on his wrist. "It's not that," she said. "Do you think you should?"

Slim fingers closed around his wrist and she gently tugged at the chart. Rowan gripped it stubbornly.
"I'm fine. I'm not going to misdiagnose a patient."

"No," she responded, her tone carefully modulated, "I don't think you will. You've been very careful. But it shows. Your... frustration. It shows."

Rowan raised his eyebrows at her.
"I'm that see through?"

There wasn't any point in arguing with her or denying it, really. Rowan had been lying about it for weeks now. He was running out of excuses and stories and tales about why he might look peaked. And that was saying something. He always had stories.

"Rowan," Becky rarely ever called him by his first name, "you look like hell. You should go call Cris."


"I don't need a nap," Rowan said, looking at the chart again.

Her face took on a mulish expression and he sighed. He didn't want an argument. He didn't have the energy for it. "No, you don't need a nap," Becky pushed. "You need to go back home. And stay there. For a day, two, four, whatever. You're pushing yourself too hard."


"I want to be here," Rowan said.

"You're not ready."

The hallway spun around him, a disconcerting effect. No, he definitely didn't have the energy to put up a fight. It was difficult enough keeping his eyes open. These bits and snatches of naps weren't enough, she was right, but every time he closed his eyes the images returned.


"It's all right," he said.

"Rowan?"

Becky's face was suddenly tilting. "I'm calling Cris. Or Lynn."


"No."

Rowan tried to clutch the medical chart harder, but it wasn't holding him up. Becky, however, tried to. "Stubborn ass."


"Yup."

Rowan realized he was tipping over, like a drunkard, and tried to correct himself, pulling himself upright. That didn't work. His knees gave way and he toppled in the other direction. The whole hospital was spinning.


"No," he said again, only this time he was protesting his body's weakness. He was a vampire. He was stronger than this kind of crap. Only, his body had apparently had enough and was insisting that it really, really was naptime. Becky tried to catch him but he heard more than felt the crash as he hit the ground and knocked over a supply cart.

He heard voices from very far away. One of them belonged to Becky. "Get Dr. Tremaine."

Who the hell was Dr. Tremaine?

"Can I use your cell phone? I need to call Christian."

Well, at least that part made sense... but nothing else did, because it all went dark for a split second. Then the fires flared up and he felt the heat on his face. Not again. Not again.

There was nothing to do but scream.

Claire 11 years ago
Claire was just finishing up with a patient when an orderly came rushing toward her. He was gesturing and waving in that universal manner for 'follow me quickly'. She hastily wrote down the prescription she had been about to give, frowning inwardly at the less than perfect handwriting, and handed that and the medical chart to one of the nurses.

She followed the orderly who talked as he walked, saying something about another doctor falling down in the hallway. The one who had been with Jamie during the explosions and fire. Dr. Murphy was famous around here, at least among the staff. To Claire this man was already a hero and she would be more than happy to do anything she could for him. When she had heard from Becky what had happened she was very sorry she had not been here to help. Her own abilities could have been extremely useful. Thankfully Jamie and Dr. Murphy had been all right.

When she arrived in the hallway she was not surprised to see Becky there with the prone doctor. It was a bizarre scene; his eyes were closed but he screaming. He looked familiar somehow and Claire found it a bit disconcerting that she could not explain immediately why that was so.

Kneeling down next to him, she looked over at Becky. "Get me a gurney. Where is there an empty room?”

Becky sent the hovering orderly on his way. Odd. They could have used his help. Claire reached down and pressed a hand to the doctor's neck. Somehow knowing what she would find. He had a pulse, a very slow one. It was not the thready pulse of the very weak and it was not the quick pulse she would have associated with the amount of stress he seemed to be under. She understood now that she was dealing with one of her own.

Then the memory hit her, filtering up through the recesses of some of Jacqueline's earliest actions. The commands had been strong then and she had been a distant passenger in her own body. Claire remembered the man on the ground, remembered him naked and ... She fought unsuccessfully to stop the blush from creeping up her neck and was grateful that Becky was otherwise occupied at the moment.

Focusing once more on the current situation, Claire had centuries of living with a heavy sleeper. Sorin woke for no man, or woman, until he was good and ready. She also remembered the times that he had been deep in the throws of a nightmare and how difficult it had been for him, or her, to wake him from it.

Scooping up the prone doctor was easy enough though Becky came around to help, or lend the appearance of helping. They laid him out on the gurney and the nurse directed the way to an empty room.

"He's....” Becky turned to look at her, waving a hand as if she needed help with the words, while raising her eyebrows and tilting her head as if to get a silent point across.

"I know.” Claire smiled. "Thank you for finding me.” And no doubt Dr. Murphy should thank her also. No vampire wanted to be subjected to a medical examination by a human doctor.

Claire shut the door to the room. "Call to him. He'll know your voice better than my own. Be patient but persistent some of our kind sleep very soundly. It simply takes a long time to wake them.” He certainly didn't appear to be sleeping 'soundly' perhaps deeply would have been a better description.

She leaned down close to the man's face and spoke in a calm but firm voice and called him by the name that was on the hospital register. Claire noted with inner amusement that his full name was not the one that he had given her. Touché, Reese. She could hardly judge him for his tiny falsehood; she hadn't exactly been honest with him either. Though Claire could claim that the lie had not been entirely her fault.

"Dr. Murphy, Rowan, I need you to wake up now." It would be better to wake him up from his nightmare but if that proved impossible then they would have to try and sedate him. Claire was not fond of that plan, fearing that it would not improve his sleep, at least not long term, drugs had such a temporary effect on vampires if they worked at all, but only make it much more difficult for him to struggle toward wakefulness.

"Is there anyone to call?” He wasn't from her clan. She didn't know if he had a clan but that was not important to her. If he had someone who could help then it would be better. She could send for a friend with command but she doubted that would help if he was not awake enough to be commanded. Sorin would have known and possibly helped; Claire wished she could have asked him.

"Yes, I called his boyfriend.”

Claire nodded. She heard Becky tell the doctor that Christian was on his way.
Christian Bern 11 years ago
He had been expecting a phone call like the one he had just received for over a week now. Cris had hoped that going back to work would have been the return to normalcy that Rowan had needed. Instead it had been a way for his partner to avoid sleeping.

[Rowan, wake up. I am on my way to the hospital now. Please wake up, Love. I will take you home and then you can sleep.]

Cris left his office and nodded to Ume. "Tell Gunderson that he is in charge for the moment and that I expect the buildings to still be intact when I get back.” His assistant smiled and nodded. She then called out for him to say hello to Rowan for her and that she hoped everything was okay.

He pushed aside his obvious transparency, wondering only briefly if is empathy was wearing off on his familiar, if she was simply very observant or if it was that obvious. Cris suspected that it was a bit of all of those.

Continueing to send to Rowan, Cris made his way to the hospital as fast as vampirically possible, breaking only the speed limit law in the process.
Rowan Murphy 11 years ago
This was not where Rowan had wanted to be, ever again. He hadn't thought he could go without sleep, but he had been hoping to find a solution before it claimed him again. His rational mind, the one that even experienced those thoughts at all, was buried under a storm of fire and panic. Children's screams resounded through his mind, horrifying and exact in the tone and pitch as they realized they were about to burn and die.

Voices cut through the nightmare; Becky's voice first. What was she doing here? Not her. Bad enough he hadn't been able to save her son, but her too?
"No. Get out," he tried to warn her, it was burning in here, it wasn't safe. "The fire..."

Didn't she see it? Why wasn't she going? Maybe she had, but her voice persisted. Flames licked at his hands and feet, and he could feel the all to familiar sensation of smoke in his lungs, searing a path into them. He never wanted to feel that again. He hated it. His hands began to ache; he turned them over and looked at them, seeing that the burns he'd received there were back but much worse. Skin sloughed off leaving bone which charred and fell away as ash, and children kept screaming.

Suddenly Cris's voice cut through the nightmare like a splash of cool water. Rowan heard him, clear as crystal. The fires didn't vanish but they receded momentarily, allowing sense to filter into Rowan's twisted imagination.

[Cris. Everything is burning.]

He struggled to wake up, although he was so tired he wasn't sure if that was what he was supposed to do after a moment or two. Trying to get his mind to focus was difficult. Cris continued to send to him, and it helped. Every time his mind tried to drift away, being drawn back into the inferno of its seemingly endless nightmare, Rowan was encouraged to wake.

How did you wake a body that didn't want to wake? Even his mind was resistant; only Cris's coaxing kept him from tumbling back. Rowan fought to open his eyes, and achieved moderate success after a few minutes. He blinked up to see two familiar faces, although the presence of one of them was very confusing.


"Jacqui?"

He felt his body trembling with the effort of waking up. He was damp with sweat and the room was still spinning, but at least it wasn't on fire. Yet he couldn't hold on to this reality, much as he wanted to. He slipped away toward the fire again, protesting the whole way.

[Cris, help... I can't...]

A wall of flame roared up in front of him once more, and he flinched away. He continued to attempt to rouse himself but it was like trying to tapdance on oiled glass. He simply couldn't get a hold. He was too damn tired. His mind kept wandering. He could focus on Cris, but from there, he didn't know where to go.

*****

Becky looked up at Dr. Tremaine, Claire, whom she had known for a number of years.

"What can we do? Christian is on his way."

She briefly described to Claire what she knew of Rowan's troubles, although Becky didn't have the full story. Rumors had flown around the hospital until it was difficult to say what had really happened.

As she did that, Rowan stopped screaming. His voice dropped into a soft series of moans, as if he were still experiencing whatever pain or problem but to a lesser degree. On the gurney he lay tossing and shaking, a frightening sight when one was used to a far more vibrant and hale Dr. Murphy.

After a time his grey-green eyes floated open and his glassy gaze met them both. Becky wasn't sure if he saw anything at all. Then he uttered a name in a foreign accent and seemed to pass out again.

Becky reached out and gently brushed his red hair away from his face, her heart going out to him. Obviously, the fire in he hospital had taken its toll. Even Jamie didn't suffer from nightmares like this. His experience had been tempered by Rowan's strength; in fact Jamie said he didn't see much. He'd been swathed in Rowan's shirt and wrapped in Rowan's arms for most of the experience.

"There's got to be some way to help him," Becky said. "He saved Jamie."

And she loved him for that. He'd already been a friend. She had known he was a friend, but she didn't realize just what he'd do to save her child. It hurt to see him struggling now. Hopefully Cris would get here soon. It was obvious to everyone here that the two were inseparable, deeply in love. A powerful emotion, she hoped it would be enough to get Rowan by for now.
Claire 11 years ago
The frantic flailing and shouts of fire slowly subsided though Claire did not believe that Rowan knew they were there. Eventually he did open his eyes and recognize her, seeming somewhat confused by her presence here at the hospital.

"Oui, C'est moi. Tout va bien se passer.” She glanced up at Becky and gave the woman a weak smile. "A nickname some know me by. I don't believe he knew that I worked here.” Won't he be surprised when he came to and learned the complicated truth. Of course she hoped there was no need to explain all that.

Becky said that there must be something that they could do. She explained his troubles and that he had been pouring himself into his work. The nurse had feared that he was pushing himself too hard, too soon and it appeared that she was right. Claire put that together with the obvious sleeping habits that were similar to her sire's and thought she could understand his reasoning. "So he is avoiding sleep.” Claire spoke mostly to herself but Becky nodded.

"There is something that we can try.” Normally she would not have done something so bold with a near stranger but this was an emergency. The part of herself that was Jacqueline pointed out that he was very much -not- a stranger. "It should help.”

She gestured for Becky to back away. Claire doubted that Rowan was hungry but if he happened to be in need of blood as well as sleep then she didn't want him grabbing the nurse by mistake. Biting her wrist, she then held the tiny twin wounds to his lips.

"Drink, Mon Cher." It would likely help rouse him and if not then it couldn't hurt. She hoped this Christian was a vampire as well. It would be more likely that he knew how to deal with Rowan's inability to wake up.

"It is all right. We are a remarkably resilient race.” She murmured to the worried nurse. "It might not look like it now but he will be fine.”
Christian Bern 11 years ago
Cris hastily parked his car, not caring that it was not perfectly straight within the two yellow lines. [It will be okay, Love. I am here.] He rushed across the large parking lot and toward the main entrance to the hospital.

[Hold on, Rue. I am almost there. Remember there is no fire. Everyone is fine. I am, the children are, your friends are. There is no fire, Love, it is only a dream.]

When Rowan woke up and they were home, he promised himself and his absent partner, he was not letting Rowan out of his sight until he could sleep soundly again. If that meant accompanying a stubborn Rowan to work every day then so be it but if he had his way then they would work on a solution first and work would come second.

He rang Rowan's cellphone, praying Becky still had it with her. He needed to know where Rowan was and Rowan wasn't able to tell him. Cris couldn't imagine what Becky must be going through. Rowan had not told anyone at work about what he was and this must all seem very strange. She had mentioned that a doctor Tremaine was coming. Cris wondered if Claire had seen Rowan fall or if Becky just happened to pick the one doctor in the hospital who would know what was wrong with his partner. Cris thanked whatever divine force or benevolent fates might have caused Claire to be there that day.
Rowan Murphy 11 years ago
Rowan couldn't remember ever being this terrified. Panicked. Like a little child himself. It was demoralizing. He was strong; he never let emotions get the better of him. he was, in fact, generally very in tune with emotion. Not just his but those of the people around him. To feel so helpless, trapped by them now, was unsettling and did nothing toward aiding him in the fight to regain consciousness.

Cris's voice cut through the nightmare again, though, continuing its litany of support and encouragement. Rowan felt guilty. Poor Cris, he didn't deserve this. Rowan was growing dependent on that voice, leaning on his partner when they should be supporting each other, not Cris doing all the hard work. Rowan was a terrible boyfriend.

He felt a little bit of a shock when another sensation filtered past the dream. Taste. Blood, not Cris's. Rowan would know Cris's anywhere. But that little bit of warmth flowing over his tongue combined with Cris's voice were enough to help him focus again. He opened his eyes again and found Jacqui still there, holding her arm to his lips.

He gently pushed her away.
"Merci," he said softly, kissing her wrist. He couldn't sit up; the room was still swinging wildly around and he felt sick, his body still trembling. He really had done it to himself now. He should have gotten help before this point but where, and from whom?

[I'm awake Cris. Thank you.]

How long he'd be awake for, he didn't know. Hopefully long enough to get back home before this happened again. He was able to rest a little bit there, when Cris was there, and that might be enough for now. At the moment he raised a shaking hand and covered his eyes with it.


"Can someone please stop the room? I'd like to get off."

If this vertigo lasted too much longer he might actually vomit. Not one prone to motion sickness, Rowan found that idea disconcerting and attributed it to his own weakened state.

Becky, who had been on his cell phone, closed it with a click. He could hear it. He heard her approach, felt her cool hand on his cheek. He moved his hand away from his eyes to look up at her. She didn't seem traumatized by the things going on around her.

"Cris is here," she said softly. "He'll be right up."

He was too out of it to ask how she could possibly be all right with all of this. She was just as calm as ever. He couldn't wrap his brain around any of it at the moment, so he focused on her words.


"Okay," he replied, his voice sounding shaky and weak to his own ears. Thank God, he thought with relief. He wanted Cris there. Cris brought relief, sanity, love, and comfort.

He put his hand back over his eyes but that didn't really stop the room from spinning. He still felt like he was moving around and around. He knew it was because he was so damn tired, but he couldn't fall asleep again. Not here.
Christian Bern 11 years ago
Cris breathed a sigh of relief when Rowan sent that he was awake. He climbed the last of the stairs and managed to wave to the people who recognized him. He wasn't stopping to talk but at least he wasn't rushing through the halls like a madman. [I am here now, Love.]

He reached the door in time to hear Rowan quip that he would like someone to stop the room because he wanted to get off. Opening the door, he smiled. "Certainly, next stop. Home.”

Crossing the room, Cris leaned down and gently kissed Rowan on his forehead. He could feel that Rowan wasn't well, even without a medical degree.

Claire had left his partner's side and returned with an ice pack wrapped in cloth. She settled this gently on Rowan's forehead and said "Here, It should help you wake up and help calm the nausea.” Cris let go of Rowan long enough to give her a quick hug. "Thank you, Claire.” He turned to Becky and hugged her as well. "You too. Thank you.”

He turned back to Rowan. "You, Sir, are taking tomorrow off and probably the next day as well.” And maybe a few more but they would start with one or two and see how much catching up on sleep Rowan needed.

[I have a possible solution I want to suggest. You can tell me what you think.] He sent to Rowan as he slid his arms up under his partner and slowly, very slowly, helped him sit up. "Do you want a wheel chair or do you think you can walk out?” Cris would have offered to carry Rowan but he doubted his partner would approve. He had to work here and while such silliness might be romantic at home, it was less than ideal while Rowan was feeling sick.

((OOC: It may not be apparent from his post but Cris is touching Rowan as soon as he enters the room and doesn't take his hands off him except to hug Claire and Becky. There is most likely a hand on his shoulder and one on his arm. Not wanting to crowd Rowan too much. ))
Claire 11 years ago
The blood seemed to do the trick. Rowan pushed her wrist away from his mouth with a little kiss and a word of thanks. Well, at least he wasn't hungry though she wouldn't have begrudged him some blood if he had been.

When Christian arrived Claire was relieved to see him. Yes, he was a vampire and yes, he was with a clan, which likely meant so was Rowan. It meant that there was support for Dr. Murphy with understanding of his species as well as his situation.

She moved away and went to get a cold compress, wrapping it in a cloth so that it wouldn't be extremely cold. Claire returned and gently placed that on Rowan's forehead. It wasn't much but there was little to be done that would help. His sense of vertigo was not caused by inner ear trouble or a migraine but extreme exhaustion.

Christian hugged her briefly and thanked her for her aid. Claire waved a hand and murmured that it was nothing. Truly, there was very little she could do. And for the person who had helped little Jamie she would have loved to have been more help.

"Au Revoir, Christian and...Reese. Let me know if there is anything else that I can do.” Claire gave Becky a parting smile and a soft kiss on the cheek. "I have some more rounds before I am done for the night.”

((OOC: Claire out pending responses and such ))
Rowan Murphy 11 years ago
Relief swept through Rowan when he heard Cris's voice actually in the room and felt the gentle kiss on his forehead.

"Cris. Thank you," he said, his voice little more than a whisper. Being caught asleep at work was one of his greatest fears. Topped off with the nightmares and the sick feeling, he wasn't sure it could get much worse. He wrapped his arms around Cris, slowly and carefully turning himself so that he could get as close as possible.

Cris stepped away to thank Jacqui... Claire?... and Becky. Rowan cracked an eye open and struggled to smile up at the blond woman when she placed the cold compress on his forehead. It did feel good. He was still dizzy, but he didn't think that would abate completely any time soon. He added his thanks again to Cris's, wondering why she was Claire now and which one was her actual name. Perhaps she had only been Jacqui for that night, or maybe she always was when she was out. Rowan was a gentleman; he didn't kiss and tell. If she wanted to be Jacqui he wouldn't ruin it for her. He had been Reese after all, when they'd been together.

She reminded him of that fact as she left and he wished he had a witty response for her. At the very least hopefully his calling her Jacqui hadn't been noticed by anyone who might question it. He didn't know who else might have been in the room when he'd first seen her.

He clutched Cris tightly at the sound of his partner's voice, stopping himself from nodding when Cris said they were going home. "Please," he whispered, agreeing with Cris's insistence that he was not coming back for a little while.

[I'll try anything,] he sent back to his partner. [I can't go on like this.]

In the meantime, getting out of the hospital was a priority. Cris helped him sit up slowly... very slowly, which was a good thing. He pressed his lips together tightly but still wasn't able to avoid a soft moan as the room spun wildly again.

"I can walk," he said, "with some help. I have to check out..."

Becky intervened, coming to stand at one side while he attempted to stand up with wobbly success. "I'll take care of it for you, Rowan. Everyone will understand. You need to go home."

He felt a little irritation, that everyone would have expected this from him. That wasn't what Becky had said, though, and he knew he was being irrational. He said nothing on the topic, just smiled at her and thanked her because what else could he do?

"Becky," he said, "about what happened in there... the blood..."

She waved her hand. "Rowan, it's all right. We can discuss it when you're better, but I've known Dr. Tremaine for several years. I've helped her before."

She looked at Cris briefly, shrugging her shoulders. "Just go home and rest. I'll check on you tomorrow night."

Rowan wanted to argue, to talk to her about it, but he just wasn't in any shape to do either thing. His knees were like jello and his head was swimming. He wanted to know what Cris had in mind, and was becoming more and more desperate for a solution by the second.

"Okay. But I'm not going to forget," he warned her mildly. It was hard to make threats when you were shaky, sweaty, dizzy, and struggling not to yak.

Becky accompanied them as they began to make their way slowly out. She directed Cris toward the service elevator, for which Rowan was grateful. He didn't relish the whole hospital seeing him like this. Mostly, though, the trip was a blur - literally, things wouldn't stop spinning - as he leaned on Cris and focused on moving his feet in the right order. It seemed like he might have four or five of them, and they all wanted to go different directions.

Cris, bless his soul, left his car for someone to retrieve later and took Rowan home in his little Prius. Rowan was grateful, immensely grateful, that his partner seemed to understand just how terribly dizzy he was. Even though Cris slowed to a near crawl around each corner though, the ride was sufficiently twisty that Rowan had a hard time getting back out of the car at Liefde. As always, though, Cris was there to support him, parctically carrying him to their home. Once they crossed through the doorway Cris did carry him, and Rowan closed his eyes, not even feeling energetic enough to kiss or tease... unheard of for him. But they were home, and that was where he wanted to stay for a good long time.

((ooc: both out))