Thaddeus stayed quiet for several moments before looking at Alfarinn and speaking. Just being out of the mall had relaxed him somewhat, but it was still difficult to listen to the Evenhet speak and not become defensive.
Just listen.
And he did. It felt like a lecture in some ways, and that frustrated him if for no other reason than because he was already lecturing himself, internally, the entire way to the limo. He was further frustrated by the fact that he didn't really have any desire to talk about it, and now felt compelled to.
He's been around for a long time, Thaddeus. Just...listen to him.
He didn't speak until he was ready, and he began with a shake of his head.
The way I see it, the two young people were acting obnoxious and vulgar for its own sake, I got fed up with it and snapped. I shouldn't have let it get to me, but I did. It was a mistake. I make those. A lot actually. And I know you're right, they were just teenagers acting like teenagers, and believe it or not I was one once, and I made mistakes back then too. I'm well aware of the fact that I reacted badly.
It is kind of you to say that the things they said were not true. I think it was Sorin who told me that the best lies have a grain of truth to them, though. Thaddeus laughed darkly, remembering how he had only recently used that very strategy against his friend. I just...I -know- I'm uptight. Alright? I know it. Maybe it has never been put quite that way before, but you think I haven't been told that enough times for it to sink in? I think I've been hearing that since...for a while now. I'm reasonably sure a few hints have been dropped my way about needing...Thaddeus waved his hands vaguely, not entirely comfortable with finishing that sentence. Instead, he closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. Then he realized what he had just done.
Great. Now my hair is a mess on top of everything else.
I just think you should know that. I'm uptight and paranoid and sometimes I'm not all that kind to people. And...I'm trying. I really am. You make me see that it's worth it. But I'm not going to sit here and pretend I'm an easy person to be around. And I love that you can see past a lot of my...less attractive qualities, but I don't want you to be blind to who I am. You seem to see the best in people, it's something I find absolutely amazing about you. I don't want to...take advantage of that.
Thaddeus reached out and put a hand on the Evenhet's knee.
I don't want to hurt you. I care about you far too much to deceive you into thinking I'm something I'm not.
He wanted to reach up and tuck a strand of hair behind Alfarinn's ear, to trace the line of his jaw with his finger tips, to never take his eyes off of the other man...but doing such things would only lead to wanting more, and Thaddeus did not like the idea of wanting things he didn't deserve.
Trip home
Alfarinn helped the driver put their purchases in the back and then got in the limo. He waited for Thaddeus to get inside, the partition to slid up and the vehicle to be under way.
He regarded Thaddeus for a moment and then said quietly.
"None of its true, you know."
He folded his arms across his chest and looked out the window
" There was simply no use in becoming upset by their banter. It only encourages them to continue, besides in a way they were complimenting you. I know its rude and people would like to say its a sign of the times but that simply isn't so. I've lived long enough to know better. Almost all teenagers are rash and try to push their limits, rebel in some way great or small that would appall their parents. It is a search for their own identity, a violent breaking away from who their parents are. Those who rebel the most feeling that most restricted or perhaps the most unsure of themselves.
Then there are those that did not rebel against their parents very often, perhaps they didn't have the heart or spirit to do so but some were simply certain enough about who they were to not need that kind of display to prove themselves.
I believe you were the later, I know you were and still are. Quiet rebellion of necessity and a certainty of your own purpose." Alfarinn turned to look at Thaddeus solemnly. "You are always your own person no matter where you are and that is a quality I admire about you, Thaddeus."
He turned back to the window. "Its so easy to lose your way when your trying to fit in with the times, to play a part, after a while it becomes more real than anything else. Some people have an indomitable character though that is not swayed by all that goes on around them. It is a shallow and lazy person who sees dignity and manners as stiffness. Such polite behavior requires that you respond in kind in order to come to know such a person better. Usually I find that it is a rewarding experience."
There was more he could say and perhaps should but Alfarinn wasn't entirely over that tension at his touch that said he was not wanted at the moment, that his aid was not needed. Perhaps even what he said here was of no use to anyone but himself, Thaddeus could prefer to just move on and forget the whole situation. He was beginning to wonder if they were too different for each other after all, it could have just been that one night, the stress of the evening, the new experience, the drinks..lets not forget he was slightly drunk. Alfarinn didn't want Thaddeus to feel like he had to be with him out of some misplaced obligation for that night. He'd rather it be truly felt than not at all.
Only Thaddeus could answer that question, he'd just have to wait.
Thaddeus Grey
18 years ago
Alfarinn
18 years ago
Alfarinn turned at looked at his companion, staring intently at him, trying to come to terms with what he had said. Glancing down at the hand on his knee, Alfarinn really wanted nothing more than to take it, pull the man to him and simply stop speaking but that was his desire and in the long run did a disservice to his companion.
"You really believe that."
He shook his head and smiled faintly. "How on earth did you come up with that conclusion about yourself? Thaddeus, its not true. Not like you seem to think it is. We are passionate creatures, vampires, and many are made in those fleeting bits of pleasure, when their maker was caught up in a desire and hunger for them. Many times it doesn't last, its not love. Not something pure or noble but simply animal lust that seems so right at the moment. These are the nature of many of the individuals made and they hold a less than sterling opinion of anyone who does not follow that path of sensual pleasure. It is not a crime to be different than that, its simply a different way.
Uptight? Why? because you refuse to have and display sexual conquests? Or because you expect more from yourself and those around you, a certain level of respect? Because you don't want to have casual sex that is meaningless but would rather hold out for something better? If that is uptight then I, for one and pleased that you are.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly
"No one is perfect. I've never seen you not be kind, I'll judge that when I see it. Most likely someone will not have deserved your kindness. I don't know why you're paranoid but it is perhaps easy for me not to be. Most misunderstandings come from not knowing the why another person does the things they do.You think you're less than perfect? Try being an empath and still screwing up relationships. You'd think I'd know better but its not as easy as it sounds even with such abilities.
I can be flippant and rash which I could argue the later is generally for good reasons but I'm not here to make excuses. I'm not easy to deal with either, I don't think anyone is. You've simply got to be honest with each other. The moment you're not, you've lost something.
I don't think I've been deceived at all. I think I see you clearly and seeing you, I cannot help but want to be near you. "
"You really believe that."
He shook his head and smiled faintly. "How on earth did you come up with that conclusion about yourself? Thaddeus, its not true. Not like you seem to think it is. We are passionate creatures, vampires, and many are made in those fleeting bits of pleasure, when their maker was caught up in a desire and hunger for them. Many times it doesn't last, its not love. Not something pure or noble but simply animal lust that seems so right at the moment. These are the nature of many of the individuals made and they hold a less than sterling opinion of anyone who does not follow that path of sensual pleasure. It is not a crime to be different than that, its simply a different way.
Uptight? Why? because you refuse to have and display sexual conquests? Or because you expect more from yourself and those around you, a certain level of respect? Because you don't want to have casual sex that is meaningless but would rather hold out for something better? If that is uptight then I, for one and pleased that you are.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly
"No one is perfect. I've never seen you not be kind, I'll judge that when I see it. Most likely someone will not have deserved your kindness. I don't know why you're paranoid but it is perhaps easy for me not to be. Most misunderstandings come from not knowing the why another person does the things they do.You think you're less than perfect? Try being an empath and still screwing up relationships. You'd think I'd know better but its not as easy as it sounds even with such abilities.
I can be flippant and rash which I could argue the later is generally for good reasons but I'm not here to make excuses. I'm not easy to deal with either, I don't think anyone is. You've simply got to be honest with each other. The moment you're not, you've lost something.
I don't think I've been deceived at all. I think I see you clearly and seeing you, I cannot help but want to be near you. "
Thaddeus Grey
18 years ago
Thaddeus bit his lower lip and looked up at Alfarinn slowly.
Don't think for a moment I don't want the same thing. Whatever else comes up, I hope that you know that much.
He didn't particularly wish to delve deeper into the topic of 'whatever else comes up.' There were many things that would, some he could anticipate and some he could not. Thaddeus was beginning to realize that wasn't the point.
No one is perfect indeed, but I believe you and I are better off together than alone. At least...well I am, anyway. Maybe that's selfish. I'd like to think I bring you some happiness when I'm not driving you to madness. I want more than I can describe to give you the things you give me.
Thaddeus paused for a moment before continuing.
Well, right at this moment I'd really like to kiss you a great deal as well. If it wouldn't bother you too terribly, that is. I feel it would illustrate my point quite nicely.
Don't think for a moment I don't want the same thing. Whatever else comes up, I hope that you know that much.
He didn't particularly wish to delve deeper into the topic of 'whatever else comes up.' There were many things that would, some he could anticipate and some he could not. Thaddeus was beginning to realize that wasn't the point.
No one is perfect indeed, but I believe you and I are better off together than alone. At least...well I am, anyway. Maybe that's selfish. I'd like to think I bring you some happiness when I'm not driving you to madness. I want more than I can describe to give you the things you give me.
Thaddeus paused for a moment before continuing.
Well, right at this moment I'd really like to kiss you a great deal as well. If it wouldn't bother you too terribly, that is. I feel it would illustrate my point quite nicely.
Alfarinn
18 years ago
Alfarinn smiled in relief. "I'd love that actually. I've wanted nothing more than to do that very thing since I saw you walk up this evening."
He wasn't sure all or even any of what he said made it through to Thaddeus. Not that he expected it to. But perhaps if he said it often enough the man would start realizing it was true or at the very least that he believed it. It was hard not to be critical of yourself, he knew that better than anyone but it was a bit easier to think that someone else thought better of you. Alfarinn wanted to show Thaddeus that he meant every word. Whoever had judged the blonde so poorly in the past had left their marks on him that Alfarinn longed to kiss away however many times it was necessary to do so....and then some.
He wasn't sure all or even any of what he said made it through to Thaddeus. Not that he expected it to. But perhaps if he said it often enough the man would start realizing it was true or at the very least that he believed it. It was hard not to be critical of yourself, he knew that better than anyone but it was a bit easier to think that someone else thought better of you. Alfarinn wanted to show Thaddeus that he meant every word. Whoever had judged the blonde so poorly in the past had left their marks on him that Alfarinn longed to kiss away however many times it was necessary to do so....and then some.
Thaddeus Grey
18 years ago
Thaddeus never took his eyes off Alfarinn's as he approached him, half standing in the limo and bracing his hand on the headrest of the opposite seat, letting his other hand slide up the Evenhet's outer thigh. He brushed his lips against Alfarinn's almost shyly, slowly at first, as though judging the distance as well as his nerve. Then, more firmly but still quite gently, he kissed him, savoring the cool taste of the other man's mouth under his own. It was awkward, standing like this in the middle of a moving limo, but Thaddeus hardly noticed until the vehicle took a hard right and he had to move his other hand up to the headrest to keep from falling. He broke off the kiss then, smiling, and slid easily into the seat next to Alfarinn, wanting to be closer than sitting across the limo provided. Resting his head on the Evenhet's shoulder, he absently took a lock of his hair between his still-gloved fingers and tucked it behind his ear.
I could hardly wait to get you alone. Thank you.
The kiss, though precariously positioned and ended all too soon, seemed to take a weight off Thaddeus's shoulders. Alfarinn had heard him play the piano, had seen the worst of his moods, had put up with his inhibitions and fears, and not only found the good side in all of those things, but wanted to stay, to kiss him and talk to him and be in his company.
I'm a lucky man.
I could hardly wait to get you alone. Thank you.
The kiss, though precariously positioned and ended all too soon, seemed to take a weight off Thaddeus's shoulders. Alfarinn had heard him play the piano, had seen the worst of his moods, had put up with his inhibitions and fears, and not only found the good side in all of those things, but wanted to stay, to kiss him and talk to him and be in his company.
I'm a lucky man.
Alfarinn
18 years ago
"Any time"
Alfarinn found himself a bit breathless and his heart pounded in his ears. All from being kissed, he who had done far more than that on so many occasions. He smiled, still amazed at how much Thaddeus affected him just by touching him, hell.. just by being near him.
He wrapped his arms around Thaddeus and pulled him closer, one hand gently brushing through the hair that had been messed up earlier putting it back into place as much as possible.
"I'm pretty sure I should be thanking you for that and I'd be more than happy to return in kind."
Alfarinn felt almost lightheaded with the relief that they were done with this small trial and that they seemed to have come out on the other side of it for the better. Sure, there would be more but right now things were new and easily broken if they continued this way they would only get stronger and more able to weather any trouble that comes,together.
Alfarinn found himself a bit breathless and his heart pounded in his ears. All from being kissed, he who had done far more than that on so many occasions. He smiled, still amazed at how much Thaddeus affected him just by touching him, hell.. just by being near him.
He wrapped his arms around Thaddeus and pulled him closer, one hand gently brushing through the hair that had been messed up earlier putting it back into place as much as possible.
"I'm pretty sure I should be thanking you for that and I'd be more than happy to return in kind."
Alfarinn felt almost lightheaded with the relief that they were done with this small trial and that they seemed to have come out on the other side of it for the better. Sure, there would be more but right now things were new and easily broken if they continued this way they would only get stronger and more able to weather any trouble that comes,together.
Thaddeus Grey
18 years ago
Had Thaddeus but a little more feline in him, he would have purred at the sensation of Alfarinn's fingers gently running through his hair. As it was, he simply moved a bit closer in the Evenhet's arms and sighed contentedly.
I would have no objections to that, I assure you.
I do, however, have some good news. I think we could use that about now.
Thaddeus reluctantly lifted his head enough to make eye contact with Alfarinn without actually having to pull away from the comforting weight of his arms.
I talked to Mai tonight, before I met you. I think it's safe to say...He drew out his wallet and removed the origami cranes....that she approves. She...sets a lot right for me. It's a comfort to know we have at least one Anantya wishing us well. To me, anyway.
I would have no objections to that, I assure you.
I do, however, have some good news. I think we could use that about now.
Thaddeus reluctantly lifted his head enough to make eye contact with Alfarinn without actually having to pull away from the comforting weight of his arms.
I talked to Mai tonight, before I met you. I think it's safe to say...He drew out his wallet and removed the origami cranes....that she approves. She...sets a lot right for me. It's a comfort to know we have at least one Anantya wishing us well. To me, anyway.
Alfarinn
18 years ago
Alfarinn studied the two birds in front of him. Looking to Thaddeus for approval first, he reached out and lightly touched the folded paper. He closed his eyes knowing the images would come. He saw Thaddeus pick them up in the store, saw him carefully fold it and put them in his pocket, saw Mai sitting next to Thaddeus folding it and placing it on his knee.
Alfarinn slowly opened his eyes and looked at Thaddeus with a smile.
"I wonder why she did that." He shook his head slightly at the difficulty of trying to understand her. " She was one of the ones that approved Evenhet's creation. I was always curious as to why. Mai still refers to us as part of Anantya from time to time but she allowed us to leave." Looking down at the tiny joined birds, he said. " Its very like her, touching and eloquent beyond all the words that could be said. Her approval means more to me than nearly anyone's, save yours. You mean a great deal to her, I felt that when she stopped us from getting into the limo without her. For Mai to be ok with us together... Alfarinn paused trying to find the right words. "That she would trust you with me and want us to be together. I... really don't know what to say."
Smiling, he reached a hand up to Thaddeus's cheek and slowly bent to kiss him gently, lingering on warm lips and soft skin. He trailed more of the feather light touches along his jaw before his lips found that smooth graceful neck. Alfarinn lingered here with more kisses before pausing without lifting his head from the intoxicating closeness.
"I suppose this means I better not screw up." He pressed his smiling lips once more to the warm inviting curve beneath them.
Alfarinn slowly opened his eyes and looked at Thaddeus with a smile.
"I wonder why she did that." He shook his head slightly at the difficulty of trying to understand her. " She was one of the ones that approved Evenhet's creation. I was always curious as to why. Mai still refers to us as part of Anantya from time to time but she allowed us to leave." Looking down at the tiny joined birds, he said. " Its very like her, touching and eloquent beyond all the words that could be said. Her approval means more to me than nearly anyone's, save yours. You mean a great deal to her, I felt that when she stopped us from getting into the limo without her. For Mai to be ok with us together... Alfarinn paused trying to find the right words. "That she would trust you with me and want us to be together. I... really don't know what to say."
Smiling, he reached a hand up to Thaddeus's cheek and slowly bent to kiss him gently, lingering on warm lips and soft skin. He trailed more of the feather light touches along his jaw before his lips found that smooth graceful neck. Alfarinn lingered here with more kisses before pausing without lifting his head from the intoxicating closeness.
"I suppose this means I better not screw up." He pressed his smiling lips once more to the warm inviting curve beneath them.
Thaddeus Grey
18 years ago
Thaddeus couldn't help but be pleased at Alfarinn's apparently quite high opinion of Mai. Accepting her was, in many ways, accepting him; he held the belief that his friendship with the Elder of the Hunt was one of the best parts of him. While there would be people in his life Alfarinn would not trust, like Sorin, Thaddeus was of the opinion that the Evenhet would be missing a rather large part of him if he didn't have regard for Mai. Being able to share this gave him hope.
He was about to put as much into words, but then Alfarinn leaned in to kiss him and the words were driven from his mind. Instead he leaned into the kiss, his hands finding the Evenhet's hair of their own accord. The gloves were no deterrent to Thaddeus; he could feel the texture, the weight of those long fine locks in his hands, and what he couldn't feel only filled him with anticipation. As the other man made his way down to the curve of his neck with soft, nearly teasing kisses, he tilted his head back, sighing, trying to keep his hands from trembling and fighting a losing battle. By the time Alfarinn stopped to speak Thaddeus was nearly past coherence; the Evenhet's lips brushing against his skin as he spoke only served to make it more difficult to process what the other man was saying, though the words at last registered.
He rather thought the other man was as far from screwing this up as he could be, and would have told him so if not for the fact that the man in question had moved back to kissing his neck. Instead, he simply sighed softly, enjoying this moment, never wanting it to end but at the same time thinking of how this would be up in his apartment, when he could take off the gloves and get rid of some of the increasingly inconvenient fabric between them.
It was probably the thought of his apartment that made him realize the limo had stopped.
Mmm...we stopped...driver's...probably wondering...we're home...
Thaddeus found himself torn between being too caught up in this man kissing his neck in a way that drove him absolutely to pieces to care and wondering how long they had been sitting in this clearly parked vehicle. As such, he wasn't sure if he communicated this important fact to Alfarinn all that effectively, though he hoped he got the point across.
Not that he particularly wanted the other man to stop.
He was about to put as much into words, but then Alfarinn leaned in to kiss him and the words were driven from his mind. Instead he leaned into the kiss, his hands finding the Evenhet's hair of their own accord. The gloves were no deterrent to Thaddeus; he could feel the texture, the weight of those long fine locks in his hands, and what he couldn't feel only filled him with anticipation. As the other man made his way down to the curve of his neck with soft, nearly teasing kisses, he tilted his head back, sighing, trying to keep his hands from trembling and fighting a losing battle. By the time Alfarinn stopped to speak Thaddeus was nearly past coherence; the Evenhet's lips brushing against his skin as he spoke only served to make it more difficult to process what the other man was saying, though the words at last registered.
He rather thought the other man was as far from screwing this up as he could be, and would have told him so if not for the fact that the man in question had moved back to kissing his neck. Instead, he simply sighed softly, enjoying this moment, never wanting it to end but at the same time thinking of how this would be up in his apartment, when he could take off the gloves and get rid of some of the increasingly inconvenient fabric between them.
It was probably the thought of his apartment that made him realize the limo had stopped.
Mmm...we stopped...driver's...probably wondering...we're home...
Thaddeus found himself torn between being too caught up in this man kissing his neck in a way that drove him absolutely to pieces to care and wondering how long they had been sitting in this clearly parked vehicle. As such, he wasn't sure if he communicated this important fact to Alfarinn all that effectively, though he hoped he got the point across.
Not that he particularly wanted the other man to stop.
Alfarinn
18 years ago
"Hmm?" Alfarinn questioned absently. He paused long enough to wonder what Thaddeus had said. Lifting his head, he realized they were stopped. Oh.. that's what he had mentioned. Alfarinn smiled and leaned away from the Anantya reluctantly.
"I suppose we should get out then." His grin was totally unrepentant and promised more such indescretions when they made it inside the apartment. Opening the door, he stepped out and waited on Thaddeus to join him. Alfarinn shivered in the night air as the breeze blew across the side of him that had been warmed by his companion's body. Soon enough he hoped to have that comforting warmth close to him again, to be able to touch the man that he'd had to fight not to hold the entire evening.
The previous events seemed far away in his mind. Everything was once again as it should be. Thaddeus wanted to be near him, even if that was only in the privacy of the apartment he could be happy knowing that it would be worth it to be able to pull the man to him once he was there.
"I suppose we should get out then." His grin was totally unrepentant and promised more such indescretions when they made it inside the apartment. Opening the door, he stepped out and waited on Thaddeus to join him. Alfarinn shivered in the night air as the breeze blew across the side of him that had been warmed by his companion's body. Soon enough he hoped to have that comforting warmth close to him again, to be able to touch the man that he'd had to fight not to hold the entire evening.
The previous events seemed far away in his mind. Everything was once again as it should be. Thaddeus wanted to be near him, even if that was only in the privacy of the apartment he could be happy knowing that it would be worth it to be able to pull the man to him once he was there.
Thaddeus Grey
18 years ago
Thaddeus took a shaky breath as he watched Alfarinn climb out of the limo. He could only imagine how this all must appear to the driver, though he supposed if such people talked it wasn't to anyone that would cause trouble. He made a passing attempt to fix his hair, which had become somewhat ruffled when he had leaned back in the seat, then decided that there wasn't much he could do about looking thoroughly kissed in any case and it would probably be best to get out of the limo and into the apartment.
As quickly as possible.
Resolved now, Thaddeus climbed out of the limo after Alfarinn and took the other man by the wrist, hurrying to the privacy of home and all that waited therein.
They were up the stairs by the time the limo pulled away.
/ooc out out!
As quickly as possible.
Resolved now, Thaddeus climbed out of the limo after Alfarinn and took the other man by the wrist, hurrying to the privacy of home and all that waited therein.
They were up the stairs by the time the limo pulled away.
/ooc out out!